Making Your Resolutions Stick

"Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right."

~Oprah Winfrey

Are you making any New Year's Resolutions this year? 2010 represents a new year and a new decade. This is a perfect time to make positive change. But how can you ensure that what you resolve to change or accomplish will actually stick?

1.Make your goals attainable. Many people make goals that are too big or fuzzy to be attainable. Making your goals attainable and specific are the keys to success. Many people list "getting fit" on the top of their New Year's resolutions. What does that mean to you? Is getting fit about losing 10 lbs., being able to climb the stairs or chase your toddler without feeling winded, or completing a marathon? The more specific you can be about your goal, the better. Also, are your goals attainable for you? Don't make your goals so big that they will be discouraging. You will have a much happier and successful year with less daunting and more targeted resolutions, i.e., I resolve to accept myself as I am; I resolve to exercise 3 days a week; I resolve to eat fruit and/or vegetables at every meal; I resolve to tell my spouse I love them every day.

2.Take each goal one day or one week at a time. You can't change your whole year or your whole life all at once. Make one or two or three doable resolutions and commit to these for short periods of time -- 24 hours, 72 hours, one week, etc.

3.Account for Set Backs, and Start Again. Progress is never a straight line. Allow for set backs. Instead of berating yourself and quitting, instead celebrate yourself for noticing and then jump back on the horse. Telling yourself "I skipped 2 days of exercise this week. I'm useless. Just forget it," is so much less helpful than "Gee, I only skipped 2 days this week of exercise. Great! I'm getting better and better at this! And now I'm off to the gym." The more gentle and loving you can be with yourself, the more likely you are to succeed.

4.Get some support. Recruit an action partner or hire a coach to help you in the most loving and accepting way. That "action partner" is someone you'll love having in your life, a friend you can check in with or work together with to help you accomplish your goals. A coach will help you keep focused on your goals, help you clarify your vision, help you create a plan for success, and will help hold you accountable to attain your goals.

Now that you've got some tips for success, what are your goals for 2010? Please let me know if I can support you in realizing these goals. Happy New Year!

Acknowledging Your Own Accomplishments

"Commit to acknowledging your achievements and your brain will begin to tell you the truth... that you can do ANYTHING!" Jack Canfield

A few years ago at Agape a guest speaker, Rhonda Britten, gave us two assignments to do as we head into the New Year. The first was to write 100 Acknowledgments -- basically 100 things we can pat ourselves on the back for having done over the past year. The other assignment was to write a list of 100 things we're grateful for. These are great exercises to engage in as you enter into a new year and gee... a new decade. I've already written about the importance of gratitude, but why is it important to acknowledge our accomplishments? In the book The Success Principles by Jack Canfield, Canfield writes about research showing that the more you acknowledge your past successes, the more confident you are in taking on and accomplishing new challenges. He says that simply knowing you’ve had successes in the past gives you the self confidence that you’ll have more in the future. Noting your accomplishments also helps you see your strengths, uncover clues as to your next steps, and notice patterns for determining your future direction.

I first heard Rhonda Britten discuss these exercises in 2005 and have used them yearly for the past 4 years. Earlier this year I also started noting my own accomplishments on a daily basis. I have a little "accomplishments" journal that I use to note all the steps I'm taking in the direction of my dreams, my victories (big & small), and my manifestations. I use this journal to in the ways I've noted above, but also to remind myself that I'm moving in the right direction.

As we enter into this new year, why don't you sit down and practice Rhonda Britten's exercises? You may not be able to do it all in one sitting, but commit to doing this by New Year's Day. You may also want to commit to keeping a daily, weekly, or monthly accomplishments or success log. When you do, remember that your accomplishments don't all have to be huge. You should definitely note the "biggies" like graduations, awards won, securing great jobs, having children, or getting married. But equally important are noting the "little things" like the really great talk with your spouse, volunteering, spending quality time with your teenager, completing your to-do list, learning to change your own oil, throwing a successful party, or getting your fussy child to eat broccoli.

As we enter this new year, remember and note your past accomplishments and commit to noting your future successes. Doing so will keep your confidence and your spirits high, and that always leads to more success.

Life of Engagement

"Let the beauty of what you love be what you do" ~ Rumi.

"'Total control' of one's own mind is in fact too strong an expression to describe accurately what happens when one is in flow. The point is not that one can always do what one wants, but rather that the possibility of making things happen as one wishes is present in a way that seldom occurs in 'real' life. "~Mihaly Czikszentmihaly

Over the past few weeks I've written about the different paths to happiness. I wrote about the Pleasurable Life and the Meaningful Life. Now it's time for the final piece -- Engagement. This path to happiness is called "The Good Life," or the "life of engagement."

The Good Life has to do with the amount of immersion, absorption, and flow that individuals feel when optimally engaged with their primary activities. These states are experienced when there is a positive match between a person's strength and the task they are doing, i.e. when they feel confident that they can accomplish the tasks they face. The more amount of time spent involved in these types of activities, called "flow" experiences, the more satisfaction a person will have in their lives. Engagement, especially when it's meaningful (or in service of something greater than ourselves), is the truest path to lasting contentment.

So what exactly is a "flow" experience? A flow activity is one in which you are totally engaged, your actions seem effortless, and time appears to stand still. Flow generally occurs when a person is doing his or her favorite activity. For some people a flow activity is playing tennis or running (especially at that point that you're in "runner's high"). For others it's painting a picture, playing chess, having an engaging conversation with your best friend, or playing with a baby. Many people, especially if they enjoy their job, experience flow at work. Engaging in a complicated surgery, closing a business deal, or designing new computer software can all be flow activities. Very rarely, however, do people report flow in passive leisure activities, such as watching television or relaxing.

How can you create more flow experiences in your life? By first knowing what your signature strengths are and then recrafting your life to use them as often as possible -- in the areas of your work, your romance, your friendships, your hobbies, your parenting, etc. The more you use what you're good at, the more flow you will have in your life. Here is an example from Martin Seligman about using your strengths to create more flow in your life:

"I can give you some examples of what I mean by recrafting your life to use your signature strength and getting flow. One person I worked with was a bagger at Genuardi's. She didn't like bagging, took the signature strengths test, and her highest strength was social intelligence. And so she recrafted her job to make the encounter with her the social highlight of every customer's day. She obviously failed at that a lot, but by deploying the single thing she was best at, she changed the job from one in which time hung heavy on her hands into one in which time flew by."

You can find and take a free signature strengths test on Martin Seligman's website: www.authentichappiness.org. When you find out what your signature strengths are, use them as often as possible to get in the flow. If you become more engaged with everything that you do you'll find that your satisfaction with life will skyrocket.

For more on Flow, check out this great article by Mihaly Czikszentmihaly in Psychology Today about Finding Flow.

Keeping the holidays merry

"Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice."

~Dave Barry

"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."

~Anna Quindlen

This is a very special time of year. It can be full of joy, cheer, parties, and reconnecting with family and friends. For many people it can also be a time of severe stress. Though we're told that this should be the happiest time of the year, many people instead experience the holiday blues.

During this time of year, there's a lot of pressure (mostly self-imposed) to be perfect. We try to be the perfect host, guest, cook, spouse, parent, child, etc. We watch the holiday movies and want so much to recreate the Hallmark/Disney version of this for ourselves and our family. These unrealistic expectations for the holidays are very stressful and can lead to depression and illness.

So what are some ways to manage the holidays, so that you hit the new year feeling merry? Here are eleven tips I've compiled from the Mental Health America website and the Mayo Clinic to help you keep jolly and sane during this holiday season:

1. Keep expectations for the holiday season manageable. Try to set realistic goals for yourself. Pace yourself. Organize your time. Make a list and prioritize the important activities.
2. Be realistic about what you can and cannot do. Don’t put the entire focus on just one day (i.e., Thanksgiving Day). Remember that it’s a season of holiday sentiment, and activities can be spread out to lessen stress and increase enjoyment.
3. Remember the holiday season does not banish reasons for feeling sad or lonely. If someone close to you has recently died or you can't be with loved ones, realize that it's normal to feel sadness and grief. It's OK to take time to cry or express your feelings. You can't force yourself to be happy just because it's the holiday season.
4. Set a budget. Before you go gift and food shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend. Then stick to your budget. Don't try to buy happiness with an avalanche of gifts. Try these alternatives: Donate to a charity in someone's name, give homemade gifts or start a family gift exchange.
5. Enjoy activities that are free, such as taking a drive to look at holiday decorations, going window shopping or making a snowperson with children.
6. Leave “yesteryear” in the past and look toward the future. Life brings changes. Each season is different and can be enjoyed in its own way. Don’t set yourself up in comparing today with the “good ol’ days.”
7. Do something for someone else. Try volunteering some of your time to help others.
8. Try something new. Celebrate the holidays in a new way.
9. Spend time with supportive and caring people. Reach out and make new friends, or contact someone you haven’t heard from in a while.
10. Save time for yourself! Recharge your batteries! Let others share in the responsibility of planning activities.
11. Don't abandon healthy habits. Don't let the holidays become a free-for-all. Overindulgence only adds to your stress and guilt. Have a healthy snack before holiday parties so that you don't go overboard on sweets, cheese or drinks. Continue to get plenty of sleep and physical activity. And of course, don't forget to laugh.

Money and Clutter

"If you have debt I'm willing to bet that general clutter is a problem for you too."

~Suze Orman

Do you have too much clutter? This is an issue that I've recently started tackling. And as I've been clearing my house of clutter, I've been realizing the connection between clutter and money.

For Feng Shui practitioners clutter in any area of your home represents stuck, stagnant 'chi' or energy.The more clutter you have or accumulate over the years, the more sluggish the flow of energy. This stagnation of energy often results in money issues.

This is more than just ethereal talk about energy. Clutter has a very real effect on your finances. For example, a bill/library book/or movie rental can get lost in clutter, resulting in a late fees. You can purchase something you already own because you can't find the item in question. You can injure yourself tripping over stuff cluttering your walkway. Clearing clutter helps to prevent these problems. It also resolves the energy stagnation and allows more money to flow into your experience. It works indirectly (allowing more opportunities for making money), but it also works directly (you can turn your clutter into cash).

I've been having fun with the latter practice -- turning my clutter into cash. When I married my husband we merged our two households and ended up with too much furniture. This clutter was stressing me out. I decided to get rid of some stuff. I put some extra furniture up on Craig's List. To my happy surprise, I sold the furniture for a nice little sum. I cleared out the house, made some extra money to put into the Christmas coffers, and the furniture ended up with people who could use and appreciate it. What a win/win situation! So, especially in this economy, clearing your clutter pays. You can sell your extra stuff online (Craig's List, eBay, etc.) or in a garage sale. You can also help yourself financially by donating items. If you donate to a charitable organization you can take a deduction on your taxes for the fair market value of the items. This is another win/win situation. Your "trash" becomes treasure for some people who really need it and you can keep some extra money in your pocket come tax time. Are you convinced yet that it pays to clear clutter?

What is clutter?

So what exactly is clutter? A great definition of clutter comes from Karen Kingston's book Clear Your Clutter With Feng Shui. Here are her four categories of clutter:

• Things you do not use or love
• Things that are untidy or disorganized
• Too many things in too small a place
• Anything unfinished

If items in your house fall into any of these four categories you could use some clutter clearing.

How do you clear your house of clutter?

Most people have no problem recognizing clutter or deciding that clutter needs to be cleared. Clearing clutter, however is often a very difficult and emotional process. The biggest hurdle if often just beginning. Here are some steps for clearing clutter in your home.

1. Start Small- When people decide that they want to clear their entire house of clutter, they're often so daunted by the enormity of the task that they can't even begin. The best way to clear clutter is to start small. Instead of tackling the entire house or even an entire room, start with one corner, one shelf or one drawer. Alternatively, limit the time. Set an egg timer and decide that you'll only clean for 5-10 minutes. When the timer goes off you can stop (or you can continue if you feel the momentum). Five to ten minutes is enough time to make a dent in the clutter, and the progress will inspire you to do more. Don't bite off more than you can chew. Start small.
   
2. Sort items into categories- When you go through the items sort them quickly and divide them into four categories: keep, maybe/undecided, sell, and trash. When deciding whether to keep an item (either on the initial go around or when you're sorting through your "maybe" pile) ask yourself these three questions - Do I love it? Do I use it? (When was the last time I used it?) and Does it raise my energy? If you can answer yes to two out of three of those questions, you can keep the item. If you can't, the item should probably be sold, donated, or trashed. Don't be afraid to let items go. Letting go of things that you don't love or use makes space for things that you'll really love to come into your experience.
   
3. Organize and store what's left- Once you've finalized the items that you're going to keep, the next step is to organize them in a way that's useful, attractive, and easy to use. Investing in inexpensive storage containers/shelves will be useful for this. IKEA and the Container Store are good places for such things. It's worth the investment in items that will help keep you organized, and with all the money you'll have, make, and/or keep from this process these items will pay for themselves.
   

Season of Receiving

"Desire directs focus. If your desires are vague, your focus will be blurred. If your desires are heartfelt, however, your focus will be sharp and clear. That's why vague desires will never materialize, but clearly focused Heart's Desires will. Clear focus is the mind's magic wand. It points your creativity in a particular direction and channels your experience behind it. Wherever you clearly focus, you create."
~Sonia Choquette

Today is December 1st and we've truly entered the Season of Giving. There's another side to this season however, and it's receiving. It is very important to give, but it's equally important to be open to receiving. Many people, especially women, are not receptive to receiving. We're so focused on giving to others that we aren't open to the gifts coming to us. In fact, many of us are so out of tune with receiving, we couldn't even tell you what we want. We've lost touch with our desires.

What do you desire? Are you in tune with your burning, intense, passionate longings? Clarity about your desires is paramount to creating the life of your dreams. In this Season of Giving (and Receiving), spend some time thinking about your true desires. What do you desire now and in this coming year? How can you open yourself up to receiving more of your desires? Take some time to answer these questions and write your answers down. Write what you desire in detail and imagine already having received them as you do.

Tune in to your desires and savor them. When you get clear about what you want, the Universe begins to deliver them to you. So enjoy the wait. Think of your desires as presents wrapped and waiting for you under the tree. You can't open them yet, but the anticipation is almost as much fun (and sometimes even more fun) than the actual gift. Enjoy this time, knowing that your desires are on their way to you. Open yourself up to receiving because, after all, tis the season.

*****

I found this great article about desires. I thought I would share:

Tuning Up Your Desire (Tasting Tomorrow Today) from the NLP Times

Insanity is often defined as doing the same thing over-and-over and expecting to get a different result.

In NLP, we often say that behavioral flexibility is key to getting a desired result. Indeed many years ago Tony Robbins popularized the four quadrants of success. Yet any action first depends on something even more fundamental -DESIRE.

As human beings we are desire creating machines, moment to moment we create and experience different desires. We could say that desires are the impulse of life. From those desires spring forth our motivation to act to enjoy a perceived benefit or to avoid a perceived cost. This is the classic toward and away from meta program in action (and the many varieties of it, that lie between). If we want to experience a higher quality of life, it important that there is harmony between our highest values and desires. Because regardless of how brilliantly you feel you are doing in your life right now, failing to meet our highest valued desires will result in a feeling of dissatisfaction and a missing sense of fulfillment.

But do you know what your highest desires really are? And do you have the courage to act on them?

Most people, in one way or another, make their highest desires as something sub-servant and for various reasons (such as 'I don't deserve it', 'it wouldn't be possible', 'I can't have what I want'). When they do so they do not pursue them with the kind of unabashed vigor that they could. This is a good time to put into practice a well worn internal dialogue strategy promoted by Dr. Bandler and say to yourself "Shut the F*** Up!" Repeat it over and over until you get your internal 'voices' to quite down and remember, just who is driving the bus.

Sure, all of us can play small but that was yesterday and today you may want to say start saying alot more 'This is what I really want!'.

Take a moment and think of something you have always wanted to do or experience? Perhaps you have always wanted to travel, be a trainer, start that venture, go out with that person, start that business etc. Whatever it is, look at it now and ask yourself "how am I promoting other activities in my life on a regular basis that is resulting in me making no time for this?"

As you do so, be honest with yourself (it's only your personal desire) and figure out how you can plan in 20 minutes a day to manifest that desire. It could simply be just doing some research, spending some time surfing about it on the web, talking with a friend etc. As you do so, you will be building that desire muscle, which can grow stronger and if you let your mind TASTE that experience. Your imagination, properly used is WAY more powerful than any six step technique to inject motivation.

When your let your 'fantasies get ahead of you', your mind will do the rest. You have already set the seed for its realisation. Go do this now. You may be pleasantly surprised with just how easy and life enhancing this practice can be.

"Live out of your imagination, not your history." (Stephen Covey)