Flirting

"Yeah I flirt, I'm not blind and I'm not dead!" ~Dolly Parton

I am going to be on vacation during the month of February (going to New Zealand and Australia for four weeks... hurray! hurray! doing dance of joy!), so I wanted to serve up one last blog entry before I go.

February is a month often dedicated to romance and in honor of this, I want to encourage each and every one of you to flirt. You may be thinking, "Flirt?! Is she serious?" Absolutely! Flirting is good for you! Studies have shown that people who flirt have higher white blood-cell counts resulting in a healthy immune system. Also, an exchange of admiring glances or a bit of light-hearted flirtatious banter can brighten someone's day, raise self-esteem and strengthen social bonds.

So what do I mean by flirting? Flirting is putting favorable attention and appreciation on someone else. It's also about enjoying yourself in their presence. It's about using your communication skills with a twist of fun, frolic, jesting, merriment, jocularity, and mirth. It does not have to be about attracting a mate; it can just be about connecting to that most fun-loving and attractive person inside (this is important even when you already have a significant other).

So during this next month I suggest you flirt as much as possible. If you're married or in a committed relationship, flirt with your significant other. You can also flirt with others, but I suggest you flirt lightly or in situations where your flirtations will not be ambiguous &/or taken the wrong way. If you're single and looking to attract that special person, flirt with everyone you can. Do not flirt to get anything, just flirt to enjoy yourself. It's fun and it's good for you.

In February experiment with flirting more and see how you feel. I bet you'll be feeling happier and so will those around you.

Dealing with Disaster

"There's no disaster that can't become a blessing, and no blessing that can't become a disaster." - Richard Bach

This week I've watched in horror and dismay, along with the rest of the world, at the events in Haiti. My parents are both from Haiti, each with cousins still living in the country. Searching for our relatives with computers and phone lines unavailable, watching the destruction of homes, businesses, and treasured national buildings, and hearing the news that cousins were missing and unaccounted for were very challenging and stressful to say the least.

Since this blog is about finding peace and equilibrium, I thought I would share some of my tips on dealing with life's most trying moments.

Do something: When faced with tragedy of this magnitude, some choose to ignore it. What's more amazing is that so many act to help. In amazing numbers people from all over the world, many with no connection at all to Haiti, opened up their hearts and wallets to give. Others hopped in airplanes or started gathering supplies. This generosity of purse and spirit has not been unique to this situation... people have showed the enormity of the human spirit in response to Katrina, 9/11, the tsunami in Asia, etc. When faced with tragedy and human suffering, most people want to help however they can. And this giving feels good, makes you feel as if you have some control over your world, and helps you to regain your sense of equilibrium and peace.

Turn off the news: I felt a bit guilty when I turned off CNN and decided to stop watching news of the disaster, but I know that it is one of the healthiest things to do. Staring at the pictures of destruction and suffering does not help anyone. It's paralyzing and it keeps attention focused on how bad things are. The news cameras focus on the worst of the worst (it makes for better television). It is not necessarily (and more often is not) an accurate portrayal of the situation on the ground.

I know personally that whenever there are fires or mudslides in Los Angeles, I get frantic phone calls from friends and family around the country and the world asking if I'm ok. Based on the news coverage, they all imagine that I have flames lapping at my heels and I and all my fellow Angelenos are all running in terror from the flames. While a small percentage of the city does deal with these issues, the vast majority of us are fine and going about our lives as if nothing were happening.

Instead of watching the news, turn your thoughts to positive intentions or prayers for the betterment of Haiti and its citizens. Visualize the country rebuilt stronger and sturdier than ever. Envision the outpouring of good will and money working to revive the country and its economy. See tourists returning to the country's shores -- enjoying the beautifully restored cities, reforested mountains, and pristine Caribbean beaches. See the government and all its institutions working ethically and well. Imagine a country of peace and prosperity, built on a foundation of love and support from the rest of the world. There, isn't that better to think of than that parade of horrors you see on the news shows?

Meditate: Meditation helps quiet your mind and tune you into the peace that surpasses all understanding. In meditation you can tune in to that still small voice that lies beyond the hysteria and despair, the voice who knows that in all, all is well. This calm stillness lies within you, and when you tune into it you know that you can handle anything.

Realize That "Disasters" Have Blessings Too: Disasters may and often are blessings in disguise. It is hard to imagine the blessings arising from this situation in Haiti, but as Dan Gilbert, author of Stumbling on Happiness, tells us, humans are notoriously bad at predicting what situations will make us happy. We suffer from impact bias -- we think that different outcomes are more different than they actually are. In fact, studies have shown that major life traumas have zero significant impact on happiness 3 months later. A happy person, tends to remain a happy person even after losing her home or the use of her legs. An unhappy person tends to remain unhappy even after winning the lottery or getting that coveted job.

Can disasters have blessings? I have a friend who was sent to war in Iraq... not something she was thrilled about. There, she met the love of her life, who would eventually become her husband. I know of a young man who lost his legs in a boating accident. From his hospital bed he started a foundation to make sure that all children in this country have access to prosthetics. He feels lucky to have had this situation. He won a CNN Heroes award and he found his life's calling. For me, getting fired when I was five months pregnant led me to coaching and a career much more in alignment with who I am.

When I think of Haiti I try to think about the hidden blessings. The loves and friendships to be formed, the opportunities for growth and healing, the people finding their life's calling, the redemption and rebuilding better than even before of a nation long in need of it.

Kefi/Spirit

"Spirit has fifty times the strength and staying-power of brawn and muscle."

~Mark Twain

I watched My Life in Ruins last night and it made me think of another element -- spirit. Without giving away too much about the plot of My Life in Ruins, the movie is about Georgia (played by Nia Vardalos), a Greek American woman and recently fired history professor who takes a job as a tour guide in Greece. She is very cerebral, and has none of the passion (kefi) so prized by the Greeks. She's a very unsuccessful tour guide because in addition to having no kefi she believes tourists should come to Greece to learn about the ancient culture, not shop, visit the beach, or eat ice cream. While a rival tour guide feeds his charges doughnuts, she feeds her tour members dry arcana about ancient Greece. Richard Dreyfuss, a bereft older widower who ends up in one of her tours, encourages Georgia to enhance her kefi, and (spoiler alert), she ends up passionate and happy and well-sexed. All in all, this was a sweet little movie that left me wanting to amp up my own kefi. (Note: another fun & inspiring movie along the same vein is Last Holiday starring Queen Latifah who incidently also plays a woman named Georgia who's sorely in need of some kefi).

Kefi is the Greek term for spirit, and has been described by various Greeks as meaning the spirit of joy, passion, enthusiasm, high spirits, or frenzy. The custom of smashing plates is considered an expression of kefi, when the soul and body are overwhelmed with an exuberance that must find an outlet. This vitality or mojo is what makes life worthwhile.

Your passion/spirit/kefi propels your dreams, so as you go about your day today focus on ways to bring more passion and vitality to everything you do. Are there things in your life that are killing your mojo that you could let go of? Are there things that you are passionate about that you're not doing, but could be doing? Orient your life to increase your vitality and find more ways to feed your soul. That is the life you were born to live.

If you're looking for some simple and practical ways to increase your vitality in body and soul you can check out this great article: http://www.wethechange.com/25-fun-ways-to-pamper-your-body-and-increase-vitality/

Fire

"O! for a muse of fire, that would ascend the brightest heaven of invention."

~William Shakepeare

Part of my intention at The Reiki Coach is to help promote balance in every area of our lives. One of the ways to promote balance is to look to the universal elements for inspiration -- fire, water, air, earth, and spirit. We can incorporate aspects of these elements to promote positive characteristics in our lives and use the different elements to help balance out our lives.

Let's be inspired by the element of fire today. Fire has been on my mind for a few weeks now. At the beginning of December I went to temple and heard a rabbi speak about fire. It was the time of Hanukkah and she was imploring everyone to be more like a flame. She said that many world traditions preach that we should strive to be at peace and happy where we are. "Perhaps we're not meant to be at peace and happy with where we are," she said. She said we should be more like a flame -- flickering, inconstant, agitating. Let's not be happy with what is. Let's look around at what we don't like and be like a flame -- agitate and change things.

The other morning I went into meditation and began to ponder the rabbi's words on fire. I love what she said about being like a flame and seeking to be a positive force for change. But is fire really unhappy with where it is just because it's able to spread? In meditation the thought came to me that those states of moving/growing/changing and being happy with where you are are not inconsistent. If a flame is limited to a candlestick, it dances where it is until it burns down and can dance no more. If the opportunity comes for fire to spread, it takes it. It is always seeking to expand and as it does, it changes what it comes in contact with. It brings light, heat, and change. But that energy is not necessarily unhappy. Even when it is contained, it continues to dance.

We too can be like a flame. Where ever we are (until the time comes for our own light to go out), we dance. When given the chance and the right conditions, we grow and expand. And wherever we go we bring light, warmth and transformation. Some might see this transformation as destructive and bad. While it can destroy what is there, it is not necessarily bad. Fire helps brings about an often necessary transformation. "What the caterpillar calls the end, the butterfly calls the beginning." It may not always be welcome -- growth, expansion, change often aren't -- but our higher power is always smiling upon us.

As I meditated, I came to see what had bothered me about that sermon. The dichotomy she drew was a false one. We can be happy with where we are and at the same time take every opportunity to grow and expand. The flame does not lament its lot. Wherever it goes (or stays) it's dancing.

So today as we go about our day, strive to be like a flame -- determined, expansive, and seeking opportunities to grow. But whatever condition you find yourselves in, be a bright light and dance.

Your Inner GPS

"Not only can GPS devices tell you how to get there, they can tell you where to go."

Samir Bhavnani

In this month's O Magazine, a contributor, Padma Atluri, wrote in an article called "Tooling Around" that the tool she most wishes she had was a tool that could "[h]elp me navigate my life. My 'Life GPS' would tell me: 'This is the quickest way to the next laugh or the best decision.'"

I want to tell Ms. Atluri and you, my dear reader, that such a tool already exists. We have access to a big GPS -- the Guiding Power System or the Great Power Source in the sky. Some have called it your "inner guide" and others the "still small voice within." It does not matter what it's called, but it is a tool that is accessible to you and is very real. This GPS has access to all knowledge and is always available to us to set us on the right course. It is infinitely more sophisticated and accurate than the one in your car, but there is no tool you need to buy to access this GPS nor is there any investment in high-tech satellites necessary. All you need is to tune into the frequency of your GPS.

So how exactly do you access this inner GPS? Meditation is a very powerful tool for doing so. There are many, many different ways of meditating -- too many to enumerate them all here. I will share a couple with you though. You can sit quietly and just keep repeating in your mind, "I am open to your wisdom" or simply "I am." Or you can just focus on the in/out of your breath. Setting the intention to be open to hearing your GPS will be very powerful even if you cannot get your mind to silence your thoughts. Even dipping into the silence for one minute is beneficial and the more you do it the easier it will be to access your GPS. If you want more guidance, I found a nice guided meditation on youtube especially designed for accessing your inner guide: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGnB3w80b8M. This is a lovely and powerful meditation and only takes about 9 minutes.

Another method is to put pen to paper and communicate in writing with your GPS. This is a tool that Elizabeth Gilbert describes in Eat, Pray, Love. She writes

I've found that voice... in times of code-orange distress, and have learned that the best way for me to reach it is written conversation. I've been surprised to find that I can almost always access that voice too, no matter how black my anguish may be. Even during the worst suffering, that calm, compassionate, affectionate and infinitely wise voice (who is maybe me, or maybe not exactly me) is always available for a conversation on paper at any time of the day or night.

I too can access this voice by writing a question on paper and having a conversation with my GPS. This voice is not only there in times of deep anguish, the GPS can be used to steer you through your biggest or smallest issues. The GPS is helpful in dealing with depression or divorce (as with Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat, Pray, Love) or in writing my blog, dealing with a teenage daughter, reminding me to celebrate the little things or finding the quickest way to the next laugh. Just as the GPS in my car works equally well to get me from my house to the store down the street as from my house in Los Angeles to a store in New York City, (the GPS is only concerned with the quickest and most efficient way to get you from Point A to Point B), the inner GPS does not care if your issues are big or small. The inner GPS just gets you from problem to solution in the most efficient and graceful way possible.

As we enter 2010, resolve to access the most powerful tool you could imagine -- your inner GPS. And if you desire, call upon me for assistance in doing so. I have coached others to hear this guidance and am available to help you.

Making Your Resolutions Stick

"Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right."

~Oprah Winfrey

Are you making any New Year's Resolutions this year? 2010 represents a new year and a new decade. This is a perfect time to make positive change. But how can you ensure that what you resolve to change or accomplish will actually stick?

1.Make your goals attainable. Many people make goals that are too big or fuzzy to be attainable. Making your goals attainable and specific are the keys to success. Many people list "getting fit" on the top of their New Year's resolutions. What does that mean to you? Is getting fit about losing 10 lbs., being able to climb the stairs or chase your toddler without feeling winded, or completing a marathon? The more specific you can be about your goal, the better. Also, are your goals attainable for you? Don't make your goals so big that they will be discouraging. You will have a much happier and successful year with less daunting and more targeted resolutions, i.e., I resolve to accept myself as I am; I resolve to exercise 3 days a week; I resolve to eat fruit and/or vegetables at every meal; I resolve to tell my spouse I love them every day.

2.Take each goal one day or one week at a time. You can't change your whole year or your whole life all at once. Make one or two or three doable resolutions and commit to these for short periods of time -- 24 hours, 72 hours, one week, etc.

3.Account for Set Backs, and Start Again. Progress is never a straight line. Allow for set backs. Instead of berating yourself and quitting, instead celebrate yourself for noticing and then jump back on the horse. Telling yourself "I skipped 2 days of exercise this week. I'm useless. Just forget it," is so much less helpful than "Gee, I only skipped 2 days this week of exercise. Great! I'm getting better and better at this! And now I'm off to the gym." The more gentle and loving you can be with yourself, the more likely you are to succeed.

4.Get some support. Recruit an action partner or hire a coach to help you in the most loving and accepting way. That "action partner" is someone you'll love having in your life, a friend you can check in with or work together with to help you accomplish your goals. A coach will help you keep focused on your goals, help you clarify your vision, help you create a plan for success, and will help hold you accountable to attain your goals.

Now that you've got some tips for success, what are your goals for 2010? Please let me know if I can support you in realizing these goals. Happy New Year!

Acknowledging Your Own Accomplishments

"Commit to acknowledging your achievements and your brain will begin to tell you the truth... that you can do ANYTHING!" Jack Canfield

A few years ago at Agape a guest speaker, Rhonda Britten, gave us two assignments to do as we head into the New Year. The first was to write 100 Acknowledgments -- basically 100 things we can pat ourselves on the back for having done over the past year. The other assignment was to write a list of 100 things we're grateful for. These are great exercises to engage in as you enter into a new year and gee... a new decade. I've already written about the importance of gratitude, but why is it important to acknowledge our accomplishments? In the book The Success Principles by Jack Canfield, Canfield writes about research showing that the more you acknowledge your past successes, the more confident you are in taking on and accomplishing new challenges. He says that simply knowing you’ve had successes in the past gives you the self confidence that you’ll have more in the future. Noting your accomplishments also helps you see your strengths, uncover clues as to your next steps, and notice patterns for determining your future direction.

I first heard Rhonda Britten discuss these exercises in 2005 and have used them yearly for the past 4 years. Earlier this year I also started noting my own accomplishments on a daily basis. I have a little "accomplishments" journal that I use to note all the steps I'm taking in the direction of my dreams, my victories (big & small), and my manifestations. I use this journal to in the ways I've noted above, but also to remind myself that I'm moving in the right direction.

As we enter into this new year, why don't you sit down and practice Rhonda Britten's exercises? You may not be able to do it all in one sitting, but commit to doing this by New Year's Day. You may also want to commit to keeping a daily, weekly, or monthly accomplishments or success log. When you do, remember that your accomplishments don't all have to be huge. You should definitely note the "biggies" like graduations, awards won, securing great jobs, having children, or getting married. But equally important are noting the "little things" like the really great talk with your spouse, volunteering, spending quality time with your teenager, completing your to-do list, learning to change your own oil, throwing a successful party, or getting your fussy child to eat broccoli.

As we enter this new year, remember and note your past accomplishments and commit to noting your future successes. Doing so will keep your confidence and your spirits high, and that always leads to more success.