Meaningful Life

Yesterday's blog post set me thinking about another path to happiness -- the Meaningful Life. The Meaningful Life is about the positive sense of well-being, belonging, meaning, and purpose individuals experience by being part of and contributing back to something larger and more permanent than themselves (e.g. nature, social groups, organizations, movements, traditions, belief systems). The Meaningful Life is about using your signature strengths in the service of something larger than you are.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and the beginning of the Season of Giving. It's a day to enjoy our bounty and think about all the many reasons we have to be grateful. It's also a wonderful time to start thinking about being of service. When we feel grateful, we naturally want to share ourselves and our good fortunes. And being of service increases our gratitude and joy. This increase in joy is not a momentary pleasure -- limited to the time we give the service. Rather being of service provides satisfaction that lingers for a long time afterward.

Sonja Lyubomirsky, a Positive Psychology Professor of Psychology at Stanford, tested whether asking people to "commit" five random acts of kindness would reliably increase their level of positive emotion. She found that it absolutely does (Lyubomirsky et al, 2004). And it is most effective if all five acts are carried out on the same day. If you'd like to try this experiment, here are Prof. Lyubomirsky's instructions:

In our daily lives, we all perform acts of kindness for others. These acts may be large or small and the person for whom the act is performed may or may not be aware of the act. Examples include feeding a stranger's parking meter, donating blood, helping a friend with homework, visiting an elderly relative, or writing a thank you letter. One day each week, you are to perform five acts of kindness. The acts do not need to be for the same person, the person may or may not be aware of the act, and the act may or may not be similar to the acts listed above. Do not perform any acts that may place yourself or others in danger.

I'm actually going to attempt to do these 5 random acts of daily kindness. I'll let you know how it goes at the end of the week.

Here are some other ideas for doing some kindness and increasing the meaning in your life:

• Leave a huge tip for a small check.
• Be a listening ear to a friend. Ask your friend how her day was and actually listen and respond to her before describing your own day.
• Flu season is upon us. Help a friend or neighbor who is ill by delivering chicken soup, doing the laundry, or walking the dog.
• Give someone else the gift of time-Do something for someone else that requires time and effort on your part.
• The next time someone admires something of yours and you can afford to do without it, give it away.
• Volunteer in your community.

CNN Heroes

"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world."
~Anne Frank

Last Saturday I went with my sister to the Kodak Theater in Hollywood to attend the CNN Heroes Award Ceremony. My friend Katie couldn't use the tickets so she gave them to us. I feel so blessed and grateful that we were able to go. To say that the evening was inspirational is a HUGE understatement.

In case you've never heard of CNN Heroes -- it's an award ceremony for 10 ordinary people doing extraordinary works of service. This year's recipients included a school bus driver in Queens who, after working 10 hours a day driving his bus, goes home, cooks food, and then distributes it to up 140 homeless people a night; an Iraqi War contractor who started a foundation to bring wheelchairs to Iraqi children; a teenager who lost his legs in a boating accident and started, from his hospital bed, a foundation to give prosthetics to needy children amputees; a dedicated breast cancer survivor who, with her team of fellow volunteers, has knocked on the doors of over 20,000 Floridian women to make sure that they receive screening tests for breast cancer; an Indonesian airline pilot who started an orphanage in his home for 48 children in need, etc.

Each recipient was unbelievably inspiring. I saw this quote online today: "Greatness is a common thing, found in common people from common places, who simply do uncommon things." Basil Ibebunjo (Nigeria). The CNN Heroes personify this type of greatness. And they inspired me to try to be as great as possible in serving others.

A few years ago I started on a journey to renovate the UCLA Neuropsychiatric Institute -- to transform the space to promote healing. I got sidetracked from my mission and a little overwhelmed by the fundraising challenge I had set for myself. I'm embarrassed to say that I gave up. Saturday's award recipients made me see that I cannot give up -- I must continue this journey. Compared to what each of those people are doing, my goal is very modest. So stay tuned, there is much more in the horizon for me. I have so much more to give and I'm excited to be doing this.

On Pleasure

"My definition of success is to live your life in a way that causes you to feel a ton of pleasure and very little pain - and because of your lifestyle, have the people around you feel a lot more pleasure than they do pain."
~Tony Robbins

I've been studying up on my positive psychology -- the study of positive emotion. Positive Psychology measures and tracks the aspects of life and personality that lead certain people to live truly phenomenal lives, to foster talent, and to increase happiness. Dr. Martin Seligman, often referred to as the Father of Positive Psychology, has written that there are three aspects to living a truly happy and fulfilled life:

1. Pleasure -- Seligman describes this path to happiness as the "Pleasant Life", or the "life of enjoyment." The pleasant or pleasurable life is the aspect of happiness that deals with savoring, positive feelings, and emotions that are part of normal and healthy living.
2. Engagement -- This path to happiness is termed "The Good Life," or the "life of engagement." The Good Life has to do with the amount of immersion, absorption, and flow that individuals feel when optimally engaged with their primary activities. These states are experienced when there is a positive match between a person's strength and the task they are doing, i.e. when they feel confident that they can accomplish the tasks they face.
3. Meaning -- This final path to happiness is called the Meaningful Life, or "life of affiliation." The Meaningful Life is about the positive sense of well-being, belonging, meaning, and purpose individuals experience by being part of and contributing back to something larger and more permanent than themselves (e.g. nature, social groups, organizations, movements, traditions, belief systems).

Today I want to write a little about the Pleasant or Pleasurable Life. I've spent a lot of time thinking about, studying, and living the Pleasurable Life. I studied with an amazing woman named Regena Thomashauer, aka "Mama Gena , who's a self-described Pleasure Revolutionary. Her mission is to "train women of all ages to use the power of pleasure to have their way with the world." In working with her I learned a lot about the power of pleasure and fun in life.

Most people could use more pleasure in their lives, but women in particular tend to have a pleasure deficit. Women often sublimate their true desires in order to serve others first -- spouse, kids, etc. Enjoying life's pleasures falls low on the priority list. However, a life without pleasure is a life that is dull and gray.

In terms of the three happiness paths -- pleasure, engagement, and meaning -- pleasure alone is the least likely to lead to happiness. The Good and Meaningful Life Paths are where you'll find the true substance of a joy and fulfillment. Pleasure, however, is the icing on the cake or the whip cream and cherry on the sundae. It's what turns life from black and white to technicolor. Pleasure should not be ignored.

So what does it mean to have a pleasurable life? Having a pleasurable life means indulging more often in our desires -- order that dessert (even when you're on the first date), buy that bouquet of flowers that is a feast for the eyes, play with the kitten and luxuriate in the softness of its fur. It also means savoring the experiences that you do have -- really taking time to taste, feel, hear, see. If you stuff down that meal while you're watching TV or working at your desk, you cannot take pleasure in the food. Being mindful of what you are experiencing is the true way to live a pleasurable life. Living a pleasurable life means making fun and pleasure a priority -- bringing more pleasure and fun to ordinary tasks. If you have to do the dishes, why not wear a tiara and feather boa while doing so? Alternatively you can blast your favorite music and dance while you clean. There are ways to make life more fun, and living the pleasurable life means that you'll look for any opportunity to do so.

The flip side to living the pleasurable life is being in tune enough with our bodies to know what we truly need and when enough is enough. Positive emotion habituates. So that ice cream sundae may give you a pleasurable feeling of 10 (on a scale of 1-10) on the first bite, but by the 6th bite your pleasure from the ice cream may be at 2. The key is to play around with what feels good and tune in frequently with yourself to see how you are feeling. For example, we may just need two bites of that dessert. Or it may actually be more fun to go to yoga than to sit in front of the TV.

I'm going to leave you with an exercise from Dr. Seligman designed to help build your facility for pleasure -- Design a Beautiful Day:
Set next Saturday (or whatever day you have available) aside. Design yourself a beautiful day -- create a day that is wonderful and indulgent for all of your senses. Think of what you want to taste, see, hear, feel, and smell that is beautiful, and then create those experiences. During the day make a conscious effort to savor each experience and be truly mindful of what you are experiencing. This exercise has been shown to enhance the pleasurable life, and really who couldn't use more of that?

Setting New Moon Intentions

Today is the New Moon. The new moon is seen as the beginning or birth of the moon's various phases. The night of the new moon is is the perfect time for birthing and planting your intentions. The dark side of the moon, with its mysterious unseen forces, offers a nurturing environment where our intentions can establish roots before their manifestations begin to sprout and reach out to the light.

It is enough to simply think about what you want to manifest in your life and to write it down on a piece of paper. It is even more powerful, however to have a new moon ritual. Rituals bring meaning to our lives by "charging" an intention with power. This power comes from setting an intention in a much more conscious way.

I found the following New Moon Manifestation Ceremony on About.com. This was written by Phylameana Lila Desy. This is a lovely ritual to use as a guide. It's important, however that you come up with a ritual that has meaning for you, instead of trying to follow any set guidelines. Whatever moves you most will be what you need to infuse your ritual with power. So please take the following as a general guideline to help shape your own new moon ritual. Enjoy yourself and may all your desires come true or better as is in your highest interest.

Prep for Upcoming New Moon Manifestation

1. Check a moon phase calendar for the next upcoming new moon.

2. Set aside 20-30 minutes to do the ritual itself.

3. Supply suggestions:
   • notebooks
   • pen and colored markers
   • scissors
   • scotch tape
   • candle
   • matches
   • incense
   • smudge sticks
   • meditation CDs

4. Prepare yourself a sacred space where to perform the ceremony when the new moon arrives

Setting your New Moon Intentions in Motion

1. Cleanse your sacred area with an opening prayer, a sage smudging, and/or by burning some incense.

2. Light one or more candles.

3. Center your being and calm yourself in whatever way is appropriate for you. Take some deep cleansing breaths, slip in a meditation CD to listen to, and/or leisurely sip on a cup of relaxing herbal tea.

4. Open your notebook, and date the first page. Write down these words "I accept these things into my life now or something better for my highest good and for the highest good of all concerned." or something similar. Below your affirmation statement, begin writing down your desires. Your list may consist of only one item or you may have several pages written down. Try not to limit yourself. If having many things in your life helps to fulfill you then don't deny yourself wanting these things.

5. During the month when an item on your new moon list comes to you, don't merely cross it off of your list, take the time to rewrite the list in its entirety eliminating the manifested item from the listing. This is highly recommended. At the same time you may add whatever else that you have decided you would like. Feel free to reword any of the original phrases if they better fit your life now. It is natural that your desires will change as time advances.

6. A second notebook will be used as a manifestation scrapbook where you paste in pictures or catalog clippings of items that you want to manifest. This is a fun project so enjoy yourself. You will soon be amazed how these things begin to find their way into your life once you start this process.

Rededicating your New Moon Intentions

Each month at the new moon rededicate your intentions by renewing your list at a repeated ritual. This is accomplished by rewriting your list out using a fresh sheet of paper. Don't get in the habit of simply scratching out the items you no longer desire and adding the new stuff to the bottom of your old list. You don't want clutter and sloppiness energies messing up your new stuff do you? Disregard any items that no longer feed your soul and add new things that do.

It is helpful to salt and pepper your manifest list with smaller items that will manifest quickly, such as tickets to the ballet, lunch with a friend, or a day at the spa. You may think that smaller things are too trivial to put on your intention list... Wrong! Things that tend to manifest with little effort still deserve to be written down. Write down everything that you desire, no matter how little or simple. If it is something that makes you happy, write it down. Manifesting smaller items on our lists actually creates a steady flow of energy to the list. These smaller manifestations create movement, allowing an ebb and flow of the tides. We are dealing here with the moon cycles after all. Besides, sometimes we forget to appreciate the smaller pleasures in our lives while we are waiting for the BIG stuff to come in. If you only write statements like, "I want to win the lottery" in your notebook then you are limiting yourself by not allowing abundance to flow to you from other avenues.

Pyramid Scheme

"When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable."
~Madeleine L'Engle

I am feeling very vulnerable and very embarrassed. Yesterday I almost bought into a pyramid scheme. Luckily my husband helped me see reason and identify the scam. I feel so stupid. How could I, licensed attorney/Ivy League graduate/brilliant moi, fall for something like that?!? Since I think I may be smarter than the average bear and I was almost taken in, I might not be the only one. I'll share my story so that maybe I can prevent one of you from falling prey to a similar scam. At the very least you can just shake your head at my folly and enjoy my little tale.

So it all started last week. A friendly acquaintance called me and invited me to get on a call. She said that she'd joined a group a few weeks before. The group is called the Diamond. They support each other "emotionally, spiritually, and financially." She put the emphasis on financially. I asked her to explain a bit more about it. She said that it was an invitation-only group. It's very secretive. There's no website or anything. You join one of their weekly conference calls and see if you are a good fit for the group ... and they see if you are a good fit for them. Each week the group discusses a spiritual topic related to abundance and they support one another. I asked for more details about the financial support part and she just told me to get on the call to find out more. I was intrigued. The call was a half an hour later, so I said that I would get on.

I joined the conference call. There were about 8 or so women on the line. There was a leader on the call. She welcomed me and another woman who was just checking out the group. They said the topic of that call was "how the Diamond has been helpful in everyone's life." So all the members of the group started sharing about how joining had helped them. A couple of people said they'd received money before and how helpful it had been for them, but most people had joined very recently. Nevertheless they shared about how the calls were really inspiring and that now they were seeing so much potential for financial windfalls, etc. No one explained how it worked. I was told that I would find out more when I got on my phone call to see if I was "accepted" into the group.

After hearing about how much everyone has benefited from being in the group, the weekly calls on spirituality and abundance, the wonderful community of support, etc., I was still intrigued. I agreed to go on the call with the leader of the group to discuss my joining them and to finally find out how it works.

Yesterday I got on the call with the group's leader and my friend. The leader started telling me about all the spiritual and emotional support benefits, etc. and then finally got to telling me how it works. There are 4 levels. New people come in with a "gift" to the person at the top level of $3,300. New people also have to bring in two more new people to be able to rise up in the levels. Each new person brings in 2 people. Eventually you move up to the levels, and receive $26,000. There are 15 people in the pyramid. When the person at the top receives the full $26,000 (gotten through 8 new people joining and "gifting" the top of the ladder) then the pyramid splits in 2.

This seemed like a good idea to me. I thought that the idea of a $26,000 return for an investment of $3300 sounded great. And I knew at least 2 people that I would love to share this brilliant financial windfall plan with. "But," I asked "why is it so secretive? Why couldn't you just share this information up front?" The leader explained that in the group, only the person at the top of the ladder (the leader) is the one who can accept the people who join in at the bottom. So, that person is the only one allowed to explain how this works. Others would probably not be able to fully explain it and answer all the questions.

"OK, but I've got to explain this to my husband." I couldn't just take out $3300 from our funds without explaining why. The leader explained that in her case, she decided that she wanted to separate her money from her husband so she took out a credit card cash advance to join. But she understood that I would have to share the information with my husband. She told me to invite him onto a call.

It all sounded good to me. I excitedly shared the news with P. when he came home. He shook his head and told me that this is a classic pyramid scheme. A pyramid scheme often involves the exchange of money primarily for bringing other people into the scheme, often without any underlying investment or product. Some pyramid schemes are disguised as "gifting circles" where money is "donated" and where the scam's marketing materials misstate the purpose and effect of tax laws related to bona fide gifts.

In order for everyone in a pyramid scheme to profit, there would have to be a never ending supply of new participants. Often the new recruits are a participant's friends and family. In reality each new level of participants has less chance of recruiting others and a greater chance of losing money. The pyramid may collapse at any time. This places the participant in the position of victimizing his or her own friends and family. And pyramid schemes are illegal in the United States.

He showed me some internet stories about these types of scams.

Oh...

Well, I felt pretty stupid.

I had been totally ready to sign on and would probably have lost my $3300 and the money of any friends I got to join the group. Sigh. I e-mailed the friend who'd invited me and attached a link to a page about the scam (http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=2209055756&topic=7829). I hope she's able to get out and get her money back.

As for me, I'm glad P. wasn't as gullible as I. And I hope that none of you will be either.

Loving Every Last Bit of Yourself

"It has been said that the root of all sickness is the inability to love oneself. Self-love begins by deciding to love all the aspects of yourself that you consider unlovable."
Dr. Christiane Northrop


So many of us, especially women, look into the mirror and focus in on all the aspects of ourselves that we think are wrong with us -- blemishes on the skin, rolls of fat, the width of our hips, body parts we consider to be too fat or too skinny or too old or too whatever. It's exhausting! And it's sickening... literally. Hating ourselves -- any part of ourselves -- can make us sick. So how do you get to the point where you can look in the mirror at your naked body and love every last bit of yourself? It doesn't and shouldn't have to wait until you get the "perfect" body -- an impossible ideal anyway. You can love your body the way it is right now. Here are some exercises designed to get you to love your body. And honey, you should. Your body is divine.

Look in the mirror and appreciate what you see
Set some alone time aside for yourself. Turn off your phone, the tv, and any other distractions. Now strip down to your birthday suit and sit down in front of a mirror. And now start looking at your body. Take each body part and start finding positive aspects of each body part. It doesn't matter how you start. You can start with the body parts you like the most (or at least find least objectionable) or you can start from your head down to your toes or vice versa. Just pick and start finding things. This may be hard at first. So many of us are used to looking for what's wrong. It may take a while to figure out what's right. Maybe you can appreciate the lovely blush color of your check, the gorgeous curve of your calf, the muscle tone in your thighs, the smoothness of your forearms, that your eyes can see, your ears can hear, your legs carry you and allow you to dance, etc. Find at least one thing positive to say about every body part and only allow yourself to look for positive aspects. Absolutely no criticisms or negativity are allowed during this game! Do this exercise once and see how you feel. If there are parts of your body that you are particularly negative towards, appreciate those body part for several minutes a day. Spend a minute or two on each body part every morning. This is a very powerful exercise that can transform your whole outlook on your body. It will make you feel better and it's likely to show on the outside. Don't be surprised if other people suddenly start noticing and appreciating how fabulous you look.

Create positive body affirmations
This exercise works very well with the one above it. When you first look in the mirror, you may notice that the negative thoughts you normally think about your body start popping up... "My belly is too big," "My thighs are too wide," "My boobs are too small," etc. You get the point. Take these negative thoughts and turn them around to create positive affirmations about your body. For example, you can use affirmations like "My curves are sexy and perfect," "My breasts are perky and divine," or simply "I am beautiful." Say these affirmations aloud three times in the morning when you wake up and three times before going to bed. You can also use them whenever the negative self-talk about your body comes up throughout the day. When you use these positive affirmations enough, they'll start to become your dominant belief. And all of a sudden you'll look in the mirror and realize "wow, I am gorgeous!"

Treat your body like a temple
When you treat your body like the divine temple that it is, you will be able to appreciate and love it. What does treating your body like a temple mean? It means feeding yourself healthful foods that are nutritious and delicious. And when you eat, sit down and eat on your finest china. Savor your food. Make every meal a celebration ... a celebration of he divine being that is you. Eating this way will feel good and healthy eating will promote healthy skin and hair, strong bones, and an ideal body weight.

Treating your body like a temple also means giving your body sufficient exercise. Engage in activities that move your body and your soul -- go for a hike, take a yoga class, play basketball, go dancing, roller skate, or hula hoop. Engage in an activity that makes you happy and do so on a daily basis. Regular exercise has been shown to boost self-esteem, self-image, and energy levels. You can't go wrong.

Lastly treating your body like a temple means respecting your body's needs. That may include getting sufficient rest, having safe sex, or getting a massage to work out any stress knots. If you listen to and respect your body temple, you'll soon be loving every inch of your fine self.

Wear clothes that really flatter you at the size and shape you are now
One last suggestion for loving your fine self is to wear clothes that flatter you at the size and shape that you are now. This is important, because few things are worse for self-esteem than ill-fitting clothes. When you look bad, you feel bad.

The first step to wearing flattering clothes is to get rid of all the ill-fitting ones. Clear out everything in your closet that does not make you look divine now -- that includes those "skinny jeans" and the "fat pants." If you need help in this department recruit a friend you trust who can brutally honest with you. Sit down one afternoon and evening and sort through all your clothes. If an item doesn't flatter you at your current size, throw it in a bag to give to charity and get rid of the bag the same day!

If your closet is lacking after the above exercise, you may want to go a bit of shopping. If you have trouble finding clothes that are stylish and flattering you may want to enlist the services of a personal shopper (or that brutally honest friend if she has good fashion sense). A personal shopper need not be expensive. In fact, many department stores offer a free personal-shopping service. You make an appointment--telling the shopper what you're looking for and your style--and when you arrive, a dressing room is waiting with clothes to try on. You buy only what you like--or nothing. Smaller boutiques also offer this kind of service, although they often don't have the inventory to pull together head-to-toe ensembles.

If you can afford to pay for it, there are also independent shoppers/image consultants who'll scour a variety of stores, for a fee, to find the right clothes for you, bringing selections to your home or office. Image consultants can also work with you on hair, makeup, and cleaning out your closet (again if you don't have access to that brutally honest and stylish friend).

***

So, try these exercises and you'll be looking fabulous on the outside and feeling it on the inside.

The Best Medicine

"Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine."
Lord Byron

I've been thinking a lot about the power of laughter these days. A friend of mine turned me onto Laughter Yoga on the Phone. You call a phone number at certain times of the day for a live 20-minute laughter yoga session. Sometimes the moderators leads you in specific laughter exercises and sometimes they just laugh. They also have prerecorded sessions that you can listen to whenever. I like to call in when I'm driving. It is impossible to have road rage when you're in your car cracking up. However, you do need to be careful and pay attention. If you're laughing so hard that you can't see the road clearly, it can lead others to have road rage at you. Haha.

There is something incredibly beneficial about laughing ... even if, especially if, you're laughing about nothing. Even pretending to laugh has much of the same health benefits as laughing. And once you start pretending to laugh, it is hard not to start laughing in earnest.

So what are the benefits of laughter?

• Laughing makes us breathe deeper and pumps more oxygen around the body.
  
• Laughter reduces blood pressure
• Laughter reduces stress hormones
• Laughter boosts immune function
• Laughter triggers the release of endorphins -- the body's natural painkillers and "feel good" hormones
• Laughter makes us all more attractive adding that soft healthy glow to skin that makes a person seem more approachable.
• Laughter promotes inner tranquility and relaxation
• Laughter improves lung capacity
• Laughter can alleviate depression and anxiety
• Laughter allows us to be playful and to just feel good.

Laughter does all this and it has no negative side effects and it's free! It's truly the best medicine.

Children are a great teacher of the benefits of laughter. Children laugh on average 300-400 times a day. Adults laugh only about 15 times a day! Imagine all the benefits that a person would get if they would laugh even half as often as a child.

Here's an exercise that you can try this week to bring more laughter into your life. Carry a piece of paper and a pen or pencil with you. Every time you laugh mark a tick on the paper. Try to get to at least 100 today. Tomorrow do the same exercise, but try to laugh to 150. Keep adding 50 more laughs per day until you get to 400 laughs per day. (Hint, one laughter yoga call will get you way above this minimum quota). Try this exercise for a week and see how you feel. I'm betting you'll feel pretty great.




The above image is from Natural Selection by Russ Wallace.
"A ticklish question."

New Poll

Perseverance

"Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another." Walter Elliott

Breaking a long-term goal into many "short races"/baby steps/shorter goals is the best way to achieve your long-term goal. This has really been coming home for me in my training for my first marathon. My first step was actually signing up for the marathon and the marathon training group. When I paid the money, I knew I was already 75% there. When you put your money where your mouth is, you're much more likely to make it to the finish line.

When I signed up with the training team I was given a training schedule -- many shorter runs that will somehow end up in my running 26.2 miles on March 21. Our first "long run" was 3 miles. For many people, that was the longest they'd ever run. Last weekend we ran 10 miles - unfathomable to many just a few short weeks ago. And every week, when we add a mile or two to our long runs we know we'll be able to do it. In fact, by taking our baby steps of doing the short mid-week runs each week, our long Saturday runs are actually very doable and sometimes almost easy! While 26 miles still seems a bit away, I am excited because I know I'm going to do it. I have mentally and financially committed to achieving this goal, I have gotten helpful and experienced coaches and pace leaders to help me, I am following a plan that breaks this feat into smaller baby steps, and I am showing up.

Life coaching works in much the same way -- you mentally and financially commit, you get an experienced coach for support, you work on a plan to break things up into baby steps, you show up, and you end up at the finish line. What big goals do you have that could be achieved with a little perseverance and some help from a coach?

Gratitude

It's November -- the month of Thanksgiving. This is the perfect time of the year to really focus in on what we are grateful for. Gratitude is such a powerful tool. First of all, it is a wonderful way to feel better. When you are in a state of feeling grateful, it's impossible to feel down. And being grateful is one of the most useful thing in attracting more of the good stuff to you. Gratitude only has upsides.

Since this is the month of thanksgiving every night this month, before you go to bed, think of at least 20 things that you are grateful for. Have you heard of the saying "Count your blessings instead of sheep"? Well count away... you'll even sleep better.

You may be thinking that 20 seems like an awful lot, but I'm sure once you get going you'll discover it is just the tip of the iceberg. For example, you can be grateful that you've got a bed to sleep in, a roof over your head, food in your belly, you can read, you're alive, the sun shone today, etc. You can be grateful for body parts that function (spleen, middle finger), things that make you happy (baby's laughter, the reiki coach blogs (haha)), people who have helped you (the doorman, your mom), things that make you laugh (whoopie cushions, my husband's jokes). You get the point. No go on and be grateful. You'll be thankful you did.

YES

Two nights ago I watched Yes Man, with Jim Carrey. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. It's a story about Carl, a man who divorces life after his wife leaves him. He hides in his apartment and says no to everything. He's convinced by an acquaintance to check out a self-help program -- a guru who recommends to his followers that they say yes to every and any opportunity that comes up in their lives. Unleashing the power of "YES" transforms Carl‘s life in amazing and unexpected ways. It's a very inspiring movie, and got me thinking a lot about how we use "YES" in our lives.

I think about all the "crazy" things I've said YES to: flying to Amsterdam for a weekend, leaving a high-paying corporate law job to take an unpaid position in Argentina, going sky diving, extending a 2-week trip to Thailand by another 4 weeks, dating an older man with 2 kids. Saying yes to these things has made my life immeasurably richer (and one resulted in my marrying my soul mate). Just the thought of having said no to any of these things makes me want to cry.

I believe the Universe is constantly sending us wonderful opportunities that will make our lives richer, happier, and much more wonderful if we just say YES to them! What fun and magic are you missing because you're saying no to it? Just for one day, say YES to every request and opportunity that comes up for you. I bet you'll be amazed by the results.