Making Your Resolutions Stick

"Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right."

~Oprah Winfrey

Are you making any New Year's Resolutions this year? 2010 represents a new year and a new decade. This is a perfect time to make positive change. But how can you ensure that what you resolve to change or accomplish will actually stick?

1.Make your goals attainable. Many people make goals that are too big or fuzzy to be attainable. Making your goals attainable and specific are the keys to success. Many people list "getting fit" on the top of their New Year's resolutions. What does that mean to you? Is getting fit about losing 10 lbs., being able to climb the stairs or chase your toddler without feeling winded, or completing a marathon? The more specific you can be about your goal, the better. Also, are your goals attainable for you? Don't make your goals so big that they will be discouraging. You will have a much happier and successful year with less daunting and more targeted resolutions, i.e., I resolve to accept myself as I am; I resolve to exercise 3 days a week; I resolve to eat fruit and/or vegetables at every meal; I resolve to tell my spouse I love them every day.

2.Take each goal one day or one week at a time. You can't change your whole year or your whole life all at once. Make one or two or three doable resolutions and commit to these for short periods of time -- 24 hours, 72 hours, one week, etc.

3.Account for Set Backs, and Start Again. Progress is never a straight line. Allow for set backs. Instead of berating yourself and quitting, instead celebrate yourself for noticing and then jump back on the horse. Telling yourself "I skipped 2 days of exercise this week. I'm useless. Just forget it," is so much less helpful than "Gee, I only skipped 2 days this week of exercise. Great! I'm getting better and better at this! And now I'm off to the gym." The more gentle and loving you can be with yourself, the more likely you are to succeed.

4.Get some support. Recruit an action partner or hire a coach to help you in the most loving and accepting way. That "action partner" is someone you'll love having in your life, a friend you can check in with or work together with to help you accomplish your goals. A coach will help you keep focused on your goals, help you clarify your vision, help you create a plan for success, and will help hold you accountable to attain your goals.

Now that you've got some tips for success, what are your goals for 2010? Please let me know if I can support you in realizing these goals. Happy New Year!

Acknowledging Your Own Accomplishments

"Commit to acknowledging your achievements and your brain will begin to tell you the truth... that you can do ANYTHING!" Jack Canfield

A few years ago at Agape a guest speaker, Rhonda Britten, gave us two assignments to do as we head into the New Year. The first was to write 100 Acknowledgments -- basically 100 things we can pat ourselves on the back for having done over the past year. The other assignment was to write a list of 100 things we're grateful for. These are great exercises to engage in as you enter into a new year and gee... a new decade. I've already written about the importance of gratitude, but why is it important to acknowledge our accomplishments? In the book The Success Principles by Jack Canfield, Canfield writes about research showing that the more you acknowledge your past successes, the more confident you are in taking on and accomplishing new challenges. He says that simply knowing you’ve had successes in the past gives you the self confidence that you’ll have more in the future. Noting your accomplishments also helps you see your strengths, uncover clues as to your next steps, and notice patterns for determining your future direction.

I first heard Rhonda Britten discuss these exercises in 2005 and have used them yearly for the past 4 years. Earlier this year I also started noting my own accomplishments on a daily basis. I have a little "accomplishments" journal that I use to note all the steps I'm taking in the direction of my dreams, my victories (big & small), and my manifestations. I use this journal to in the ways I've noted above, but also to remind myself that I'm moving in the right direction.

As we enter into this new year, why don't you sit down and practice Rhonda Britten's exercises? You may not be able to do it all in one sitting, but commit to doing this by New Year's Day. You may also want to commit to keeping a daily, weekly, or monthly accomplishments or success log. When you do, remember that your accomplishments don't all have to be huge. You should definitely note the "biggies" like graduations, awards won, securing great jobs, having children, or getting married. But equally important are noting the "little things" like the really great talk with your spouse, volunteering, spending quality time with your teenager, completing your to-do list, learning to change your own oil, throwing a successful party, or getting your fussy child to eat broccoli.

As we enter this new year, remember and note your past accomplishments and commit to noting your future successes. Doing so will keep your confidence and your spirits high, and that always leads to more success.

Life of Engagement

"Let the beauty of what you love be what you do" ~ Rumi.

"'Total control' of one's own mind is in fact too strong an expression to describe accurately what happens when one is in flow. The point is not that one can always do what one wants, but rather that the possibility of making things happen as one wishes is present in a way that seldom occurs in 'real' life. "~Mihaly Czikszentmihaly

Over the past few weeks I've written about the different paths to happiness. I wrote about the Pleasurable Life and the Meaningful Life. Now it's time for the final piece -- Engagement. This path to happiness is called "The Good Life," or the "life of engagement."

The Good Life has to do with the amount of immersion, absorption, and flow that individuals feel when optimally engaged with their primary activities. These states are experienced when there is a positive match between a person's strength and the task they are doing, i.e. when they feel confident that they can accomplish the tasks they face. The more amount of time spent involved in these types of activities, called "flow" experiences, the more satisfaction a person will have in their lives. Engagement, especially when it's meaningful (or in service of something greater than ourselves), is the truest path to lasting contentment.

So what exactly is a "flow" experience? A flow activity is one in which you are totally engaged, your actions seem effortless, and time appears to stand still. Flow generally occurs when a person is doing his or her favorite activity. For some people a flow activity is playing tennis or running (especially at that point that you're in "runner's high"). For others it's painting a picture, playing chess, having an engaging conversation with your best friend, or playing with a baby. Many people, especially if they enjoy their job, experience flow at work. Engaging in a complicated surgery, closing a business deal, or designing new computer software can all be flow activities. Very rarely, however, do people report flow in passive leisure activities, such as watching television or relaxing.

How can you create more flow experiences in your life? By first knowing what your signature strengths are and then recrafting your life to use them as often as possible -- in the areas of your work, your romance, your friendships, your hobbies, your parenting, etc. The more you use what you're good at, the more flow you will have in your life. Here is an example from Martin Seligman about using your strengths to create more flow in your life:

"I can give you some examples of what I mean by recrafting your life to use your signature strength and getting flow. One person I worked with was a bagger at Genuardi's. She didn't like bagging, took the signature strengths test, and her highest strength was social intelligence. And so she recrafted her job to make the encounter with her the social highlight of every customer's day. She obviously failed at that a lot, but by deploying the single thing she was best at, she changed the job from one in which time hung heavy on her hands into one in which time flew by."

You can find and take a free signature strengths test on Martin Seligman's website: www.authentichappiness.org. When you find out what your signature strengths are, use them as often as possible to get in the flow. If you become more engaged with everything that you do you'll find that your satisfaction with life will skyrocket.

For more on Flow, check out this great article by Mihaly Czikszentmihaly in Psychology Today about Finding Flow.

Keeping the holidays merry

"Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice."

~Dave Barry

"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."

~Anna Quindlen

This is a very special time of year. It can be full of joy, cheer, parties, and reconnecting with family and friends. For many people it can also be a time of severe stress. Though we're told that this should be the happiest time of the year, many people instead experience the holiday blues.

During this time of year, there's a lot of pressure (mostly self-imposed) to be perfect. We try to be the perfect host, guest, cook, spouse, parent, child, etc. We watch the holiday movies and want so much to recreate the Hallmark/Disney version of this for ourselves and our family. These unrealistic expectations for the holidays are very stressful and can lead to depression and illness.

So what are some ways to manage the holidays, so that you hit the new year feeling merry? Here are eleven tips I've compiled from the Mental Health America website and the Mayo Clinic to help you keep jolly and sane during this holiday season:

1. Keep expectations for the holiday season manageable. Try to set realistic goals for yourself. Pace yourself. Organize your time. Make a list and prioritize the important activities.
2. Be realistic about what you can and cannot do. Don’t put the entire focus on just one day (i.e., Thanksgiving Day). Remember that it’s a season of holiday sentiment, and activities can be spread out to lessen stress and increase enjoyment.
3. Remember the holiday season does not banish reasons for feeling sad or lonely. If someone close to you has recently died or you can't be with loved ones, realize that it's normal to feel sadness and grief. It's OK to take time to cry or express your feelings. You can't force yourself to be happy just because it's the holiday season.
4. Set a budget. Before you go gift and food shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend. Then stick to your budget. Don't try to buy happiness with an avalanche of gifts. Try these alternatives: Donate to a charity in someone's name, give homemade gifts or start a family gift exchange.
5. Enjoy activities that are free, such as taking a drive to look at holiday decorations, going window shopping or making a snowperson with children.
6. Leave “yesteryear” in the past and look toward the future. Life brings changes. Each season is different and can be enjoyed in its own way. Don’t set yourself up in comparing today with the “good ol’ days.”
7. Do something for someone else. Try volunteering some of your time to help others.
8. Try something new. Celebrate the holidays in a new way.
9. Spend time with supportive and caring people. Reach out and make new friends, or contact someone you haven’t heard from in a while.
10. Save time for yourself! Recharge your batteries! Let others share in the responsibility of planning activities.
11. Don't abandon healthy habits. Don't let the holidays become a free-for-all. Overindulgence only adds to your stress and guilt. Have a healthy snack before holiday parties so that you don't go overboard on sweets, cheese or drinks. Continue to get plenty of sleep and physical activity. And of course, don't forget to laugh.

Money and Clutter

"If you have debt I'm willing to bet that general clutter is a problem for you too."

~Suze Orman

Do you have too much clutter? This is an issue that I've recently started tackling. And as I've been clearing my house of clutter, I've been realizing the connection between clutter and money.

For Feng Shui practitioners clutter in any area of your home represents stuck, stagnant 'chi' or energy.The more clutter you have or accumulate over the years, the more sluggish the flow of energy. This stagnation of energy often results in money issues.

This is more than just ethereal talk about energy. Clutter has a very real effect on your finances. For example, a bill/library book/or movie rental can get lost in clutter, resulting in a late fees. You can purchase something you already own because you can't find the item in question. You can injure yourself tripping over stuff cluttering your walkway. Clearing clutter helps to prevent these problems. It also resolves the energy stagnation and allows more money to flow into your experience. It works indirectly (allowing more opportunities for making money), but it also works directly (you can turn your clutter into cash).

I've been having fun with the latter practice -- turning my clutter into cash. When I married my husband we merged our two households and ended up with too much furniture. This clutter was stressing me out. I decided to get rid of some stuff. I put some extra furniture up on Craig's List. To my happy surprise, I sold the furniture for a nice little sum. I cleared out the house, made some extra money to put into the Christmas coffers, and the furniture ended up with people who could use and appreciate it. What a win/win situation! So, especially in this economy, clearing your clutter pays. You can sell your extra stuff online (Craig's List, eBay, etc.) or in a garage sale. You can also help yourself financially by donating items. If you donate to a charitable organization you can take a deduction on your taxes for the fair market value of the items. This is another win/win situation. Your "trash" becomes treasure for some people who really need it and you can keep some extra money in your pocket come tax time. Are you convinced yet that it pays to clear clutter?

What is clutter?

So what exactly is clutter? A great definition of clutter comes from Karen Kingston's book Clear Your Clutter With Feng Shui. Here are her four categories of clutter:

• Things you do not use or love
• Things that are untidy or disorganized
• Too many things in too small a place
• Anything unfinished

If items in your house fall into any of these four categories you could use some clutter clearing.

How do you clear your house of clutter?

Most people have no problem recognizing clutter or deciding that clutter needs to be cleared. Clearing clutter, however is often a very difficult and emotional process. The biggest hurdle if often just beginning. Here are some steps for clearing clutter in your home.

1. Start Small- When people decide that they want to clear their entire house of clutter, they're often so daunted by the enormity of the task that they can't even begin. The best way to clear clutter is to start small. Instead of tackling the entire house or even an entire room, start with one corner, one shelf or one drawer. Alternatively, limit the time. Set an egg timer and decide that you'll only clean for 5-10 minutes. When the timer goes off you can stop (or you can continue if you feel the momentum). Five to ten minutes is enough time to make a dent in the clutter, and the progress will inspire you to do more. Don't bite off more than you can chew. Start small.
   
2. Sort items into categories- When you go through the items sort them quickly and divide them into four categories: keep, maybe/undecided, sell, and trash. When deciding whether to keep an item (either on the initial go around or when you're sorting through your "maybe" pile) ask yourself these three questions - Do I love it? Do I use it? (When was the last time I used it?) and Does it raise my energy? If you can answer yes to two out of three of those questions, you can keep the item. If you can't, the item should probably be sold, donated, or trashed. Don't be afraid to let items go. Letting go of things that you don't love or use makes space for things that you'll really love to come into your experience.
   
3. Organize and store what's left- Once you've finalized the items that you're going to keep, the next step is to organize them in a way that's useful, attractive, and easy to use. Investing in inexpensive storage containers/shelves will be useful for this. IKEA and the Container Store are good places for such things. It's worth the investment in items that will help keep you organized, and with all the money you'll have, make, and/or keep from this process these items will pay for themselves.
   

Season of Receiving

"Desire directs focus. If your desires are vague, your focus will be blurred. If your desires are heartfelt, however, your focus will be sharp and clear. That's why vague desires will never materialize, but clearly focused Heart's Desires will. Clear focus is the mind's magic wand. It points your creativity in a particular direction and channels your experience behind it. Wherever you clearly focus, you create."
~Sonia Choquette

Today is December 1st and we've truly entered the Season of Giving. There's another side to this season however, and it's receiving. It is very important to give, but it's equally important to be open to receiving. Many people, especially women, are not receptive to receiving. We're so focused on giving to others that we aren't open to the gifts coming to us. In fact, many of us are so out of tune with receiving, we couldn't even tell you what we want. We've lost touch with our desires.

What do you desire? Are you in tune with your burning, intense, passionate longings? Clarity about your desires is paramount to creating the life of your dreams. In this Season of Giving (and Receiving), spend some time thinking about your true desires. What do you desire now and in this coming year? How can you open yourself up to receiving more of your desires? Take some time to answer these questions and write your answers down. Write what you desire in detail and imagine already having received them as you do.

Tune in to your desires and savor them. When you get clear about what you want, the Universe begins to deliver them to you. So enjoy the wait. Think of your desires as presents wrapped and waiting for you under the tree. You can't open them yet, but the anticipation is almost as much fun (and sometimes even more fun) than the actual gift. Enjoy this time, knowing that your desires are on their way to you. Open yourself up to receiving because, after all, tis the season.

*****

I found this great article about desires. I thought I would share:

Tuning Up Your Desire (Tasting Tomorrow Today) from the NLP Times

Insanity is often defined as doing the same thing over-and-over and expecting to get a different result.

In NLP, we often say that behavioral flexibility is key to getting a desired result. Indeed many years ago Tony Robbins popularized the four quadrants of success. Yet any action first depends on something even more fundamental -DESIRE.

As human beings we are desire creating machines, moment to moment we create and experience different desires. We could say that desires are the impulse of life. From those desires spring forth our motivation to act to enjoy a perceived benefit or to avoid a perceived cost. This is the classic toward and away from meta program in action (and the many varieties of it, that lie between). If we want to experience a higher quality of life, it important that there is harmony between our highest values and desires. Because regardless of how brilliantly you feel you are doing in your life right now, failing to meet our highest valued desires will result in a feeling of dissatisfaction and a missing sense of fulfillment.

But do you know what your highest desires really are? And do you have the courage to act on them?

Most people, in one way or another, make their highest desires as something sub-servant and for various reasons (such as 'I don't deserve it', 'it wouldn't be possible', 'I can't have what I want'). When they do so they do not pursue them with the kind of unabashed vigor that they could. This is a good time to put into practice a well worn internal dialogue strategy promoted by Dr. Bandler and say to yourself "Shut the F*** Up!" Repeat it over and over until you get your internal 'voices' to quite down and remember, just who is driving the bus.

Sure, all of us can play small but that was yesterday and today you may want to say start saying alot more 'This is what I really want!'.

Take a moment and think of something you have always wanted to do or experience? Perhaps you have always wanted to travel, be a trainer, start that venture, go out with that person, start that business etc. Whatever it is, look at it now and ask yourself "how am I promoting other activities in my life on a regular basis that is resulting in me making no time for this?"

As you do so, be honest with yourself (it's only your personal desire) and figure out how you can plan in 20 minutes a day to manifest that desire. It could simply be just doing some research, spending some time surfing about it on the web, talking with a friend etc. As you do so, you will be building that desire muscle, which can grow stronger and if you let your mind TASTE that experience. Your imagination, properly used is WAY more powerful than any six step technique to inject motivation.

When your let your 'fantasies get ahead of you', your mind will do the rest. You have already set the seed for its realisation. Go do this now. You may be pleasantly surprised with just how easy and life enhancing this practice can be.

"Live out of your imagination, not your history." (Stephen Covey)

Meaningful Life

Yesterday's blog post set me thinking about another path to happiness -- the Meaningful Life. The Meaningful Life is about the positive sense of well-being, belonging, meaning, and purpose individuals experience by being part of and contributing back to something larger and more permanent than themselves (e.g. nature, social groups, organizations, movements, traditions, belief systems). The Meaningful Life is about using your signature strengths in the service of something larger than you are.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and the beginning of the Season of Giving. It's a day to enjoy our bounty and think about all the many reasons we have to be grateful. It's also a wonderful time to start thinking about being of service. When we feel grateful, we naturally want to share ourselves and our good fortunes. And being of service increases our gratitude and joy. This increase in joy is not a momentary pleasure -- limited to the time we give the service. Rather being of service provides satisfaction that lingers for a long time afterward.

Sonja Lyubomirsky, a Positive Psychology Professor of Psychology at Stanford, tested whether asking people to "commit" five random acts of kindness would reliably increase their level of positive emotion. She found that it absolutely does (Lyubomirsky et al, 2004). And it is most effective if all five acts are carried out on the same day. If you'd like to try this experiment, here are Prof. Lyubomirsky's instructions:

In our daily lives, we all perform acts of kindness for others. These acts may be large or small and the person for whom the act is performed may or may not be aware of the act. Examples include feeding a stranger's parking meter, donating blood, helping a friend with homework, visiting an elderly relative, or writing a thank you letter. One day each week, you are to perform five acts of kindness. The acts do not need to be for the same person, the person may or may not be aware of the act, and the act may or may not be similar to the acts listed above. Do not perform any acts that may place yourself or others in danger.

I'm actually going to attempt to do these 5 random acts of daily kindness. I'll let you know how it goes at the end of the week.

Here are some other ideas for doing some kindness and increasing the meaning in your life:

• Leave a huge tip for a small check.
• Be a listening ear to a friend. Ask your friend how her day was and actually listen and respond to her before describing your own day.
• Flu season is upon us. Help a friend or neighbor who is ill by delivering chicken soup, doing the laundry, or walking the dog.
• Give someone else the gift of time-Do something for someone else that requires time and effort on your part.
• The next time someone admires something of yours and you can afford to do without it, give it away.
• Volunteer in your community.

CNN Heroes

"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world."
~Anne Frank

Last Saturday I went with my sister to the Kodak Theater in Hollywood to attend the CNN Heroes Award Ceremony. My friend Katie couldn't use the tickets so she gave them to us. I feel so blessed and grateful that we were able to go. To say that the evening was inspirational is a HUGE understatement.

In case you've never heard of CNN Heroes -- it's an award ceremony for 10 ordinary people doing extraordinary works of service. This year's recipients included a school bus driver in Queens who, after working 10 hours a day driving his bus, goes home, cooks food, and then distributes it to up 140 homeless people a night; an Iraqi War contractor who started a foundation to bring wheelchairs to Iraqi children; a teenager who lost his legs in a boating accident and started, from his hospital bed, a foundation to give prosthetics to needy children amputees; a dedicated breast cancer survivor who, with her team of fellow volunteers, has knocked on the doors of over 20,000 Floridian women to make sure that they receive screening tests for breast cancer; an Indonesian airline pilot who started an orphanage in his home for 48 children in need, etc.

Each recipient was unbelievably inspiring. I saw this quote online today: "Greatness is a common thing, found in common people from common places, who simply do uncommon things." Basil Ibebunjo (Nigeria). The CNN Heroes personify this type of greatness. And they inspired me to try to be as great as possible in serving others.

A few years ago I started on a journey to renovate the UCLA Neuropsychiatric Institute -- to transform the space to promote healing. I got sidetracked from my mission and a little overwhelmed by the fundraising challenge I had set for myself. I'm embarrassed to say that I gave up. Saturday's award recipients made me see that I cannot give up -- I must continue this journey. Compared to what each of those people are doing, my goal is very modest. So stay tuned, there is much more in the horizon for me. I have so much more to give and I'm excited to be doing this.

On Pleasure

"My definition of success is to live your life in a way that causes you to feel a ton of pleasure and very little pain - and because of your lifestyle, have the people around you feel a lot more pleasure than they do pain."
~Tony Robbins

I've been studying up on my positive psychology -- the study of positive emotion. Positive Psychology measures and tracks the aspects of life and personality that lead certain people to live truly phenomenal lives, to foster talent, and to increase happiness. Dr. Martin Seligman, often referred to as the Father of Positive Psychology, has written that there are three aspects to living a truly happy and fulfilled life:

1. Pleasure -- Seligman describes this path to happiness as the "Pleasant Life", or the "life of enjoyment." The pleasant or pleasurable life is the aspect of happiness that deals with savoring, positive feelings, and emotions that are part of normal and healthy living.
2. Engagement -- This path to happiness is termed "The Good Life," or the "life of engagement." The Good Life has to do with the amount of immersion, absorption, and flow that individuals feel when optimally engaged with their primary activities. These states are experienced when there is a positive match between a person's strength and the task they are doing, i.e. when they feel confident that they can accomplish the tasks they face.
3. Meaning -- This final path to happiness is called the Meaningful Life, or "life of affiliation." The Meaningful Life is about the positive sense of well-being, belonging, meaning, and purpose individuals experience by being part of and contributing back to something larger and more permanent than themselves (e.g. nature, social groups, organizations, movements, traditions, belief systems).

Today I want to write a little about the Pleasant or Pleasurable Life. I've spent a lot of time thinking about, studying, and living the Pleasurable Life. I studied with an amazing woman named Regena Thomashauer, aka "Mama Gena , who's a self-described Pleasure Revolutionary. Her mission is to "train women of all ages to use the power of pleasure to have their way with the world." In working with her I learned a lot about the power of pleasure and fun in life.

Most people could use more pleasure in their lives, but women in particular tend to have a pleasure deficit. Women often sublimate their true desires in order to serve others first -- spouse, kids, etc. Enjoying life's pleasures falls low on the priority list. However, a life without pleasure is a life that is dull and gray.

In terms of the three happiness paths -- pleasure, engagement, and meaning -- pleasure alone is the least likely to lead to happiness. The Good and Meaningful Life Paths are where you'll find the true substance of a joy and fulfillment. Pleasure, however, is the icing on the cake or the whip cream and cherry on the sundae. It's what turns life from black and white to technicolor. Pleasure should not be ignored.

So what does it mean to have a pleasurable life? Having a pleasurable life means indulging more often in our desires -- order that dessert (even when you're on the first date), buy that bouquet of flowers that is a feast for the eyes, play with the kitten and luxuriate in the softness of its fur. It also means savoring the experiences that you do have -- really taking time to taste, feel, hear, see. If you stuff down that meal while you're watching TV or working at your desk, you cannot take pleasure in the food. Being mindful of what you are experiencing is the true way to live a pleasurable life. Living a pleasurable life means making fun and pleasure a priority -- bringing more pleasure and fun to ordinary tasks. If you have to do the dishes, why not wear a tiara and feather boa while doing so? Alternatively you can blast your favorite music and dance while you clean. There are ways to make life more fun, and living the pleasurable life means that you'll look for any opportunity to do so.

The flip side to living the pleasurable life is being in tune enough with our bodies to know what we truly need and when enough is enough. Positive emotion habituates. So that ice cream sundae may give you a pleasurable feeling of 10 (on a scale of 1-10) on the first bite, but by the 6th bite your pleasure from the ice cream may be at 2. The key is to play around with what feels good and tune in frequently with yourself to see how you are feeling. For example, we may just need two bites of that dessert. Or it may actually be more fun to go to yoga than to sit in front of the TV.

I'm going to leave you with an exercise from Dr. Seligman designed to help build your facility for pleasure -- Design a Beautiful Day:
Set next Saturday (or whatever day you have available) aside. Design yourself a beautiful day -- create a day that is wonderful and indulgent for all of your senses. Think of what you want to taste, see, hear, feel, and smell that is beautiful, and then create those experiences. During the day make a conscious effort to savor each experience and be truly mindful of what you are experiencing. This exercise has been shown to enhance the pleasurable life, and really who couldn't use more of that?

Setting New Moon Intentions

Today is the New Moon. The new moon is seen as the beginning or birth of the moon's various phases. The night of the new moon is is the perfect time for birthing and planting your intentions. The dark side of the moon, with its mysterious unseen forces, offers a nurturing environment where our intentions can establish roots before their manifestations begin to sprout and reach out to the light.

It is enough to simply think about what you want to manifest in your life and to write it down on a piece of paper. It is even more powerful, however to have a new moon ritual. Rituals bring meaning to our lives by "charging" an intention with power. This power comes from setting an intention in a much more conscious way.

I found the following New Moon Manifestation Ceremony on About.com. This was written by Phylameana Lila Desy. This is a lovely ritual to use as a guide. It's important, however that you come up with a ritual that has meaning for you, instead of trying to follow any set guidelines. Whatever moves you most will be what you need to infuse your ritual with power. So please take the following as a general guideline to help shape your own new moon ritual. Enjoy yourself and may all your desires come true or better as is in your highest interest.

Prep for Upcoming New Moon Manifestation

1. Check a moon phase calendar for the next upcoming new moon.

2. Set aside 20-30 minutes to do the ritual itself.

3. Supply suggestions:
   • notebooks
   • pen and colored markers
   • scissors
   • scotch tape
   • candle
   • matches
   • incense
   • smudge sticks
   • meditation CDs

4. Prepare yourself a sacred space where to perform the ceremony when the new moon arrives

Setting your New Moon Intentions in Motion

1. Cleanse your sacred area with an opening prayer, a sage smudging, and/or by burning some incense.

2. Light one or more candles.

3. Center your being and calm yourself in whatever way is appropriate for you. Take some deep cleansing breaths, slip in a meditation CD to listen to, and/or leisurely sip on a cup of relaxing herbal tea.

4. Open your notebook, and date the first page. Write down these words "I accept these things into my life now or something better for my highest good and for the highest good of all concerned." or something similar. Below your affirmation statement, begin writing down your desires. Your list may consist of only one item or you may have several pages written down. Try not to limit yourself. If having many things in your life helps to fulfill you then don't deny yourself wanting these things.

5. During the month when an item on your new moon list comes to you, don't merely cross it off of your list, take the time to rewrite the list in its entirety eliminating the manifested item from the listing. This is highly recommended. At the same time you may add whatever else that you have decided you would like. Feel free to reword any of the original phrases if they better fit your life now. It is natural that your desires will change as time advances.

6. A second notebook will be used as a manifestation scrapbook where you paste in pictures or catalog clippings of items that you want to manifest. This is a fun project so enjoy yourself. You will soon be amazed how these things begin to find their way into your life once you start this process.

Rededicating your New Moon Intentions

Each month at the new moon rededicate your intentions by renewing your list at a repeated ritual. This is accomplished by rewriting your list out using a fresh sheet of paper. Don't get in the habit of simply scratching out the items you no longer desire and adding the new stuff to the bottom of your old list. You don't want clutter and sloppiness energies messing up your new stuff do you? Disregard any items that no longer feed your soul and add new things that do.

It is helpful to salt and pepper your manifest list with smaller items that will manifest quickly, such as tickets to the ballet, lunch with a friend, or a day at the spa. You may think that smaller things are too trivial to put on your intention list... Wrong! Things that tend to manifest with little effort still deserve to be written down. Write down everything that you desire, no matter how little or simple. If it is something that makes you happy, write it down. Manifesting smaller items on our lists actually creates a steady flow of energy to the list. These smaller manifestations create movement, allowing an ebb and flow of the tides. We are dealing here with the moon cycles after all. Besides, sometimes we forget to appreciate the smaller pleasures in our lives while we are waiting for the BIG stuff to come in. If you only write statements like, "I want to win the lottery" in your notebook then you are limiting yourself by not allowing abundance to flow to you from other avenues.

Pyramid Scheme

"When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable."
~Madeleine L'Engle

I am feeling very vulnerable and very embarrassed. Yesterday I almost bought into a pyramid scheme. Luckily my husband helped me see reason and identify the scam. I feel so stupid. How could I, licensed attorney/Ivy League graduate/brilliant moi, fall for something like that?!? Since I think I may be smarter than the average bear and I was almost taken in, I might not be the only one. I'll share my story so that maybe I can prevent one of you from falling prey to a similar scam. At the very least you can just shake your head at my folly and enjoy my little tale.

So it all started last week. A friendly acquaintance called me and invited me to get on a call. She said that she'd joined a group a few weeks before. The group is called the Diamond. They support each other "emotionally, spiritually, and financially." She put the emphasis on financially. I asked her to explain a bit more about it. She said that it was an invitation-only group. It's very secretive. There's no website or anything. You join one of their weekly conference calls and see if you are a good fit for the group ... and they see if you are a good fit for them. Each week the group discusses a spiritual topic related to abundance and they support one another. I asked for more details about the financial support part and she just told me to get on the call to find out more. I was intrigued. The call was a half an hour later, so I said that I would get on.

I joined the conference call. There were about 8 or so women on the line. There was a leader on the call. She welcomed me and another woman who was just checking out the group. They said the topic of that call was "how the Diamond has been helpful in everyone's life." So all the members of the group started sharing about how joining had helped them. A couple of people said they'd received money before and how helpful it had been for them, but most people had joined very recently. Nevertheless they shared about how the calls were really inspiring and that now they were seeing so much potential for financial windfalls, etc. No one explained how it worked. I was told that I would find out more when I got on my phone call to see if I was "accepted" into the group.

After hearing about how much everyone has benefited from being in the group, the weekly calls on spirituality and abundance, the wonderful community of support, etc., I was still intrigued. I agreed to go on the call with the leader of the group to discuss my joining them and to finally find out how it works.

Yesterday I got on the call with the group's leader and my friend. The leader started telling me about all the spiritual and emotional support benefits, etc. and then finally got to telling me how it works. There are 4 levels. New people come in with a "gift" to the person at the top level of $3,300. New people also have to bring in two more new people to be able to rise up in the levels. Each new person brings in 2 people. Eventually you move up to the levels, and receive $26,000. There are 15 people in the pyramid. When the person at the top receives the full $26,000 (gotten through 8 new people joining and "gifting" the top of the ladder) then the pyramid splits in 2.

This seemed like a good idea to me. I thought that the idea of a $26,000 return for an investment of $3300 sounded great. And I knew at least 2 people that I would love to share this brilliant financial windfall plan with. "But," I asked "why is it so secretive? Why couldn't you just share this information up front?" The leader explained that in the group, only the person at the top of the ladder (the leader) is the one who can accept the people who join in at the bottom. So, that person is the only one allowed to explain how this works. Others would probably not be able to fully explain it and answer all the questions.

"OK, but I've got to explain this to my husband." I couldn't just take out $3300 from our funds without explaining why. The leader explained that in her case, she decided that she wanted to separate her money from her husband so she took out a credit card cash advance to join. But she understood that I would have to share the information with my husband. She told me to invite him onto a call.

It all sounded good to me. I excitedly shared the news with P. when he came home. He shook his head and told me that this is a classic pyramid scheme. A pyramid scheme often involves the exchange of money primarily for bringing other people into the scheme, often without any underlying investment or product. Some pyramid schemes are disguised as "gifting circles" where money is "donated" and where the scam's marketing materials misstate the purpose and effect of tax laws related to bona fide gifts.

In order for everyone in a pyramid scheme to profit, there would have to be a never ending supply of new participants. Often the new recruits are a participant's friends and family. In reality each new level of participants has less chance of recruiting others and a greater chance of losing money. The pyramid may collapse at any time. This places the participant in the position of victimizing his or her own friends and family. And pyramid schemes are illegal in the United States.

He showed me some internet stories about these types of scams.

Oh...

Well, I felt pretty stupid.

I had been totally ready to sign on and would probably have lost my $3300 and the money of any friends I got to join the group. Sigh. I e-mailed the friend who'd invited me and attached a link to a page about the scam (http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=2209055756&topic=7829). I hope she's able to get out and get her money back.

As for me, I'm glad P. wasn't as gullible as I. And I hope that none of you will be either.

Loving Every Last Bit of Yourself

"It has been said that the root of all sickness is the inability to love oneself. Self-love begins by deciding to love all the aspects of yourself that you consider unlovable."
Dr. Christiane Northrop


So many of us, especially women, look into the mirror and focus in on all the aspects of ourselves that we think are wrong with us -- blemishes on the skin, rolls of fat, the width of our hips, body parts we consider to be too fat or too skinny or too old or too whatever. It's exhausting! And it's sickening... literally. Hating ourselves -- any part of ourselves -- can make us sick. So how do you get to the point where you can look in the mirror at your naked body and love every last bit of yourself? It doesn't and shouldn't have to wait until you get the "perfect" body -- an impossible ideal anyway. You can love your body the way it is right now. Here are some exercises designed to get you to love your body. And honey, you should. Your body is divine.

Look in the mirror and appreciate what you see
Set some alone time aside for yourself. Turn off your phone, the tv, and any other distractions. Now strip down to your birthday suit and sit down in front of a mirror. And now start looking at your body. Take each body part and start finding positive aspects of each body part. It doesn't matter how you start. You can start with the body parts you like the most (or at least find least objectionable) or you can start from your head down to your toes or vice versa. Just pick and start finding things. This may be hard at first. So many of us are used to looking for what's wrong. It may take a while to figure out what's right. Maybe you can appreciate the lovely blush color of your check, the gorgeous curve of your calf, the muscle tone in your thighs, the smoothness of your forearms, that your eyes can see, your ears can hear, your legs carry you and allow you to dance, etc. Find at least one thing positive to say about every body part and only allow yourself to look for positive aspects. Absolutely no criticisms or negativity are allowed during this game! Do this exercise once and see how you feel. If there are parts of your body that you are particularly negative towards, appreciate those body part for several minutes a day. Spend a minute or two on each body part every morning. This is a very powerful exercise that can transform your whole outlook on your body. It will make you feel better and it's likely to show on the outside. Don't be surprised if other people suddenly start noticing and appreciating how fabulous you look.

Create positive body affirmations
This exercise works very well with the one above it. When you first look in the mirror, you may notice that the negative thoughts you normally think about your body start popping up... "My belly is too big," "My thighs are too wide," "My boobs are too small," etc. You get the point. Take these negative thoughts and turn them around to create positive affirmations about your body. For example, you can use affirmations like "My curves are sexy and perfect," "My breasts are perky and divine," or simply "I am beautiful." Say these affirmations aloud three times in the morning when you wake up and three times before going to bed. You can also use them whenever the negative self-talk about your body comes up throughout the day. When you use these positive affirmations enough, they'll start to become your dominant belief. And all of a sudden you'll look in the mirror and realize "wow, I am gorgeous!"

Treat your body like a temple
When you treat your body like the divine temple that it is, you will be able to appreciate and love it. What does treating your body like a temple mean? It means feeding yourself healthful foods that are nutritious and delicious. And when you eat, sit down and eat on your finest china. Savor your food. Make every meal a celebration ... a celebration of he divine being that is you. Eating this way will feel good and healthy eating will promote healthy skin and hair, strong bones, and an ideal body weight.

Treating your body like a temple also means giving your body sufficient exercise. Engage in activities that move your body and your soul -- go for a hike, take a yoga class, play basketball, go dancing, roller skate, or hula hoop. Engage in an activity that makes you happy and do so on a daily basis. Regular exercise has been shown to boost self-esteem, self-image, and energy levels. You can't go wrong.

Lastly treating your body like a temple means respecting your body's needs. That may include getting sufficient rest, having safe sex, or getting a massage to work out any stress knots. If you listen to and respect your body temple, you'll soon be loving every inch of your fine self.

Wear clothes that really flatter you at the size and shape you are now
One last suggestion for loving your fine self is to wear clothes that flatter you at the size and shape that you are now. This is important, because few things are worse for self-esteem than ill-fitting clothes. When you look bad, you feel bad.

The first step to wearing flattering clothes is to get rid of all the ill-fitting ones. Clear out everything in your closet that does not make you look divine now -- that includes those "skinny jeans" and the "fat pants." If you need help in this department recruit a friend you trust who can brutally honest with you. Sit down one afternoon and evening and sort through all your clothes. If an item doesn't flatter you at your current size, throw it in a bag to give to charity and get rid of the bag the same day!

If your closet is lacking after the above exercise, you may want to go a bit of shopping. If you have trouble finding clothes that are stylish and flattering you may want to enlist the services of a personal shopper (or that brutally honest friend if she has good fashion sense). A personal shopper need not be expensive. In fact, many department stores offer a free personal-shopping service. You make an appointment--telling the shopper what you're looking for and your style--and when you arrive, a dressing room is waiting with clothes to try on. You buy only what you like--or nothing. Smaller boutiques also offer this kind of service, although they often don't have the inventory to pull together head-to-toe ensembles.

If you can afford to pay for it, there are also independent shoppers/image consultants who'll scour a variety of stores, for a fee, to find the right clothes for you, bringing selections to your home or office. Image consultants can also work with you on hair, makeup, and cleaning out your closet (again if you don't have access to that brutally honest and stylish friend).

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So, try these exercises and you'll be looking fabulous on the outside and feeling it on the inside.

The Best Medicine

"Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine."
Lord Byron

I've been thinking a lot about the power of laughter these days. A friend of mine turned me onto Laughter Yoga on the Phone. You call a phone number at certain times of the day for a live 20-minute laughter yoga session. Sometimes the moderators leads you in specific laughter exercises and sometimes they just laugh. They also have prerecorded sessions that you can listen to whenever. I like to call in when I'm driving. It is impossible to have road rage when you're in your car cracking up. However, you do need to be careful and pay attention. If you're laughing so hard that you can't see the road clearly, it can lead others to have road rage at you. Haha.

There is something incredibly beneficial about laughing ... even if, especially if, you're laughing about nothing. Even pretending to laugh has much of the same health benefits as laughing. And once you start pretending to laugh, it is hard not to start laughing in earnest.

So what are the benefits of laughter?

• Laughing makes us breathe deeper and pumps more oxygen around the body.
  
• Laughter reduces blood pressure
• Laughter reduces stress hormones
• Laughter boosts immune function
• Laughter triggers the release of endorphins -- the body's natural painkillers and "feel good" hormones
• Laughter makes us all more attractive adding that soft healthy glow to skin that makes a person seem more approachable.
• Laughter promotes inner tranquility and relaxation
• Laughter improves lung capacity
• Laughter can alleviate depression and anxiety
• Laughter allows us to be playful and to just feel good.

Laughter does all this and it has no negative side effects and it's free! It's truly the best medicine.

Children are a great teacher of the benefits of laughter. Children laugh on average 300-400 times a day. Adults laugh only about 15 times a day! Imagine all the benefits that a person would get if they would laugh even half as often as a child.

Here's an exercise that you can try this week to bring more laughter into your life. Carry a piece of paper and a pen or pencil with you. Every time you laugh mark a tick on the paper. Try to get to at least 100 today. Tomorrow do the same exercise, but try to laugh to 150. Keep adding 50 more laughs per day until you get to 400 laughs per day. (Hint, one laughter yoga call will get you way above this minimum quota). Try this exercise for a week and see how you feel. I'm betting you'll feel pretty great.




The above image is from Natural Selection by Russ Wallace.
"A ticklish question."