On Pleasure

"My definition of success is to live your life in a way that causes you to feel a ton of pleasure and very little pain - and because of your lifestyle, have the people around you feel a lot more pleasure than they do pain."
~Tony Robbins

I've been studying up on my positive psychology -- the study of positive emotion. Positive Psychology measures and tracks the aspects of life and personality that lead certain people to live truly phenomenal lives, to foster talent, and to increase happiness. Dr. Martin Seligman, often referred to as the Father of Positive Psychology, has written that there are three aspects to living a truly happy and fulfilled life:

1. Pleasure -- Seligman describes this path to happiness as the "Pleasant Life", or the "life of enjoyment." The pleasant or pleasurable life is the aspect of happiness that deals with savoring, positive feelings, and emotions that are part of normal and healthy living.
2. Engagement -- This path to happiness is termed "The Good Life," or the "life of engagement." The Good Life has to do with the amount of immersion, absorption, and flow that individuals feel when optimally engaged with their primary activities. These states are experienced when there is a positive match between a person's strength and the task they are doing, i.e. when they feel confident that they can accomplish the tasks they face.
3. Meaning -- This final path to happiness is called the Meaningful Life, or "life of affiliation." The Meaningful Life is about the positive sense of well-being, belonging, meaning, and purpose individuals experience by being part of and contributing back to something larger and more permanent than themselves (e.g. nature, social groups, organizations, movements, traditions, belief systems).

Today I want to write a little about the Pleasant or Pleasurable Life. I've spent a lot of time thinking about, studying, and living the Pleasurable Life. I studied with an amazing woman named Regena Thomashauer, aka "Mama Gena , who's a self-described Pleasure Revolutionary. Her mission is to "train women of all ages to use the power of pleasure to have their way with the world." In working with her I learned a lot about the power of pleasure and fun in life.

Most people could use more pleasure in their lives, but women in particular tend to have a pleasure deficit. Women often sublimate their true desires in order to serve others first -- spouse, kids, etc. Enjoying life's pleasures falls low on the priority list. However, a life without pleasure is a life that is dull and gray.

In terms of the three happiness paths -- pleasure, engagement, and meaning -- pleasure alone is the least likely to lead to happiness. The Good and Meaningful Life Paths are where you'll find the true substance of a joy and fulfillment. Pleasure, however, is the icing on the cake or the whip cream and cherry on the sundae. It's what turns life from black and white to technicolor. Pleasure should not be ignored.

So what does it mean to have a pleasurable life? Having a pleasurable life means indulging more often in our desires -- order that dessert (even when you're on the first date), buy that bouquet of flowers that is a feast for the eyes, play with the kitten and luxuriate in the softness of its fur. It also means savoring the experiences that you do have -- really taking time to taste, feel, hear, see. If you stuff down that meal while you're watching TV or working at your desk, you cannot take pleasure in the food. Being mindful of what you are experiencing is the true way to live a pleasurable life. Living a pleasurable life means making fun and pleasure a priority -- bringing more pleasure and fun to ordinary tasks. If you have to do the dishes, why not wear a tiara and feather boa while doing so? Alternatively you can blast your favorite music and dance while you clean. There are ways to make life more fun, and living the pleasurable life means that you'll look for any opportunity to do so.

The flip side to living the pleasurable life is being in tune enough with our bodies to know what we truly need and when enough is enough. Positive emotion habituates. So that ice cream sundae may give you a pleasurable feeling of 10 (on a scale of 1-10) on the first bite, but by the 6th bite your pleasure from the ice cream may be at 2. The key is to play around with what feels good and tune in frequently with yourself to see how you are feeling. For example, we may just need two bites of that dessert. Or it may actually be more fun to go to yoga than to sit in front of the TV.

I'm going to leave you with an exercise from Dr. Seligman designed to help build your facility for pleasure -- Design a Beautiful Day:
Set next Saturday (or whatever day you have available) aside. Design yourself a beautiful day -- create a day that is wonderful and indulgent for all of your senses. Think of what you want to taste, see, hear, feel, and smell that is beautiful, and then create those experiences. During the day make a conscious effort to savor each experience and be truly mindful of what you are experiencing. This exercise has been shown to enhance the pleasurable life, and really who couldn't use more of that?