What would you do if you only had one year left to live?

"A man should not leave this earth with unfinished business. He should live each day as if it was a pre-flight check. He should ask each morning, am I prepared to lift-off?” ~Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider, Northern Exposure, All is Vanity, 1991

A few years ago (four years ago to be exact) I took a self-development course and was given an exercise to work on:

if you had only 365 days to live, you didn't have to worry about money or your health during the year, and on the 365th day you would die easily and painlessly, what would you do with your year?

I considered this exercise and wrote an earnest answer. I wrote it all down in a journal and then put that journal in a briefcase I barely touched for the next 4 years. Recently I used that briefcase as I flew on a trip to New York and discovered my answer to this exercise. I was rather pleasantly surprised to see that pretty much every goals for my imaginary final year I managed to accomplish over the past 4 years. Those included quitting my law job, finding the love of my life, having a baby girl, writing a book, and traveling around the world.

I was rather pleasantly surprised by how all these goals that seemed rather far away when I wrote them had all come to pass. It made me think, what if I spent the next 365 days as if they were my last? What if every day I considered really seriously how I want to live my “final year”? What kind of adventures would I go on then? How would my life be different? And thus my Last Year Project was born. I challenged myself to live fully from this space for 365 days. If you want to follow my adventures, you can do so here.

I would like to challenge you to answer the question I answered four years ago: if you had only 365 days to live, you didn't have to worry about money or your health during the year, and on the 365th day you would die easily and painlessly, what would you do with your year? Feel free to share your response to this question in the comments.

What's In Your Backpack?

"Simplicity is making the journey of this life with just baggage enough." ~Charles Dudley Warner

A couple nights ago I watched Up in the Air with George Clooney. In the movie George Clooney’s character is an inspirational speaker who gives a talk called “What’s In Your Backpack?” In this talk he uses the metaphor of a backpack that contains all of our possessions and commitments. He argues that all our relationships and stuff is too much extra baggage to carry around. It is so heavy that it’s nearly impossible to move. He counsels that we should walk around life with an empty backpack - free of these things that weigh us down.

It’s true that some stuff and people in our lives can be onerous, but do you really want an empty backpack? As I went for my run today I started to think about that. I see his point that certain possessions can really weigh you down - it may feel like they end up owning you instead of vice versa. While I have been focusing on simplifying my life and getting rid of things that I no longer need, I decided I definitely wouldn’t want to get rid of all possessions. In addition to a few prized possessions, I’m happy to fill my backpack with assets (in the Rich Dad, Poor Dad meaning of the word.) Income-producing property (whether real property, investments, or intellectual property) is the type of property that won’t weigh you down... rather it lifts you up. I wouldn’t mind having much less of the other stuff, but I’m happy to fill my backpack with real assets.

With regards to people... it’s true that there are some people that are real downers. They come with too much baggage and they drain your energy. It’s ok to take those types of people out of your backpack. However, there are people with whom you have very meaningful relationships. These are the people who lift you up, help carry your burdens, and sometimes help carry you. Those are definitely keepers. Not only do they make the journey easier, they also make it fun.

So do I want to have an empty backpack? Not a chance!

How To Use Your Time More Effectively

“Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.”

~Carl Sandburg

For people with busy jobs and lives, it can be easy to feel drained and like you’re spinning your wheels. Similarly, I know many people with plenty of time on their hands who don’t know where their time has gone and why they haven’t accomplished anything. If you feel like you’re spending lots of time but are not happy with the results, complete a time inventory.

People who want to lose weight or get better with their finances do much better when they track their food intake or spending. Similarly, in order to better use your time you should track how you spend it. Be brutally honest (yes those 10 minutes surfing the web do count) and create an inventory of how you spend your time and with whom. If you’re feeling like you don’t have the time to do this exercise, I’m betting that you particularly need to do this. After tracking your time expenditures for a couple days, you will be surprised at how much of your time is spent with people and on activities that drain you instead of ones that nourish you and help create the life you’re seeking.

When you have tracked your time rate the entries using the following helpful rating system that I got from the book The Game - Win Your Life in 90 Days by Serrano Kelley. This simple A-B-C-D rating system is the most useful way I’ve learned of thinking about my time and learning to use it more effectively. Based on the rating system described below rate how you are doing now and then readjust accordingly how and with whom you are spending your time.

What Activities Do You Engage in Most Often?
A Activities are activities that nourish you, such as physical exercise, meditation, prayer, writing in a journal, spending quality time with family and friends, your favorite hobbies (the ones where time just stops for you), etc. You want to do as many of these A Activities as possible.

B Activities are reactionary -- actions engaged in times of crisis. For example, a B Activity is exercising because your doctor told you if you don’t you will die. Your goal should be to eliminate these types of activities, by getting them handled and taken care of earlier (i.e., by doing more A activities).

C Activities are ones that are best handled by others. Over-achievers often find themselves with too many C Activities because they think that they can handle it better by themselves. Others engage in C Activities because they try to do things that are best left to others (e.g., making your kids’ bed when they could be doing it themselves). Delegate these activities.

D Activities are ones that drain your energy. They produce very little and they take away a lot. Examples of D Activities are gossiping, criticizing yourself and others, watching meaningless television, etc. Try to eliminate these activities altogether.

Who Do You Spend The Most Time With?

A Relationships are ones that nourish and restore you. These people also lovingly hold you to a higher standard. Examples of A Relationships are personal coaches, mentors, religious or spiritual leaders (such as rabbis, priests, or spiritual advisors), certain friends and family members, and yourself (yes, you are an A Relationship for you). A Relationships expect you to fulfill your purpose in life and help you to become the person you’re meant to be. These relationships are priority ones for you. Spend most of your time with A People.

B Relationships are ones that tend to maintain the status quo. Friends and family members who don’t encourage or support your growth fall in this category. It is not that they don’t mean well, people fall into B Relationships, because they want to love you as you are. You can transform B Relationships into A Relationships by asking the person to support you in achieving your goals and to help hold you accountable to do so. To use your time more effectively, transform your B Relationships into A Relationships.

C Relationships are the people in your life that pass-through but do not add much value. These are the acquaintances that you barely know. These people do nothing to contribute to your well-being and may also drain your energy, time, and/or other resources. Spend as little time with people in this category as possible.

D Relationships are the people who drain your energy, hurt you, and/or enable your worst habits. This includes the people with whom you gossip and whine. To be more efficient with your time, avoid spending any time at all with these people.

Monick P. Halm, Esq. is the founder of Equilawbrium Career & Life Coaching. As a coach, law of attraction student, Reiki Master, and former lawyer, Monick helps lawyers find true balance, uncover their dreams and pursue their passions. For a complimentary consult, e-mail equilawbrium@gmail.com.

Flirting

"Yeah I flirt, I'm not blind and I'm not dead!" ~Dolly Parton

I am going to be on vacation during the month of February (going to New Zealand and Australia for four weeks... hurray! hurray! doing dance of joy!), so I wanted to serve up one last blog entry before I go.

February is a month often dedicated to romance and in honor of this, I want to encourage each and every one of you to flirt. You may be thinking, "Flirt?! Is she serious?" Absolutely! Flirting is good for you! Studies have shown that people who flirt have higher white blood-cell counts resulting in a healthy immune system. Also, an exchange of admiring glances or a bit of light-hearted flirtatious banter can brighten someone's day, raise self-esteem and strengthen social bonds.

So what do I mean by flirting? Flirting is putting favorable attention and appreciation on someone else. It's also about enjoying yourself in their presence. It's about using your communication skills with a twist of fun, frolic, jesting, merriment, jocularity, and mirth. It does not have to be about attracting a mate; it can just be about connecting to that most fun-loving and attractive person inside (this is important even when you already have a significant other).

So during this next month I suggest you flirt as much as possible. If you're married or in a committed relationship, flirt with your significant other. You can also flirt with others, but I suggest you flirt lightly or in situations where your flirtations will not be ambiguous &/or taken the wrong way. If you're single and looking to attract that special person, flirt with everyone you can. Do not flirt to get anything, just flirt to enjoy yourself. It's fun and it's good for you.

In February experiment with flirting more and see how you feel. I bet you'll be feeling happier and so will those around you.

Dealing with Disaster

"There's no disaster that can't become a blessing, and no blessing that can't become a disaster." - Richard Bach

This week I've watched in horror and dismay, along with the rest of the world, at the events in Haiti. My parents are both from Haiti, each with cousins still living in the country. Searching for our relatives with computers and phone lines unavailable, watching the destruction of homes, businesses, and treasured national buildings, and hearing the news that cousins were missing and unaccounted for were very challenging and stressful to say the least.

Since this blog is about finding peace and equilibrium, I thought I would share some of my tips on dealing with life's most trying moments.

Do something: When faced with tragedy of this magnitude, some choose to ignore it. What's more amazing is that so many act to help. In amazing numbers people from all over the world, many with no connection at all to Haiti, opened up their hearts and wallets to give. Others hopped in airplanes or started gathering supplies. This generosity of purse and spirit has not been unique to this situation... people have showed the enormity of the human spirit in response to Katrina, 9/11, the tsunami in Asia, etc. When faced with tragedy and human suffering, most people want to help however they can. And this giving feels good, makes you feel as if you have some control over your world, and helps you to regain your sense of equilibrium and peace.

Turn off the news: I felt a bit guilty when I turned off CNN and decided to stop watching news of the disaster, but I know that it is one of the healthiest things to do. Staring at the pictures of destruction and suffering does not help anyone. It's paralyzing and it keeps attention focused on how bad things are. The news cameras focus on the worst of the worst (it makes for better television). It is not necessarily (and more often is not) an accurate portrayal of the situation on the ground.

I know personally that whenever there are fires or mudslides in Los Angeles, I get frantic phone calls from friends and family around the country and the world asking if I'm ok. Based on the news coverage, they all imagine that I have flames lapping at my heels and I and all my fellow Angelenos are all running in terror from the flames. While a small percentage of the city does deal with these issues, the vast majority of us are fine and going about our lives as if nothing were happening.

Instead of watching the news, turn your thoughts to positive intentions or prayers for the betterment of Haiti and its citizens. Visualize the country rebuilt stronger and sturdier than ever. Envision the outpouring of good will and money working to revive the country and its economy. See tourists returning to the country's shores -- enjoying the beautifully restored cities, reforested mountains, and pristine Caribbean beaches. See the government and all its institutions working ethically and well. Imagine a country of peace and prosperity, built on a foundation of love and support from the rest of the world. There, isn't that better to think of than that parade of horrors you see on the news shows?

Meditate: Meditation helps quiet your mind and tune you into the peace that surpasses all understanding. In meditation you can tune in to that still small voice that lies beyond the hysteria and despair, the voice who knows that in all, all is well. This calm stillness lies within you, and when you tune into it you know that you can handle anything.

Realize That "Disasters" Have Blessings Too: Disasters may and often are blessings in disguise. It is hard to imagine the blessings arising from this situation in Haiti, but as Dan Gilbert, author of Stumbling on Happiness, tells us, humans are notoriously bad at predicting what situations will make us happy. We suffer from impact bias -- we think that different outcomes are more different than they actually are. In fact, studies have shown that major life traumas have zero significant impact on happiness 3 months later. A happy person, tends to remain a happy person even after losing her home or the use of her legs. An unhappy person tends to remain unhappy even after winning the lottery or getting that coveted job.

Can disasters have blessings? I have a friend who was sent to war in Iraq... not something she was thrilled about. There, she met the love of her life, who would eventually become her husband. I know of a young man who lost his legs in a boating accident. From his hospital bed he started a foundation to make sure that all children in this country have access to prosthetics. He feels lucky to have had this situation. He won a CNN Heroes award and he found his life's calling. For me, getting fired when I was five months pregnant led me to coaching and a career much more in alignment with who I am.

When I think of Haiti I try to think about the hidden blessings. The loves and friendships to be formed, the opportunities for growth and healing, the people finding their life's calling, the redemption and rebuilding better than even before of a nation long in need of it.

Kefi/Spirit

"Spirit has fifty times the strength and staying-power of brawn and muscle."

~Mark Twain

I watched My Life in Ruins last night and it made me think of another element -- spirit. Without giving away too much about the plot of My Life in Ruins, the movie is about Georgia (played by Nia Vardalos), a Greek American woman and recently fired history professor who takes a job as a tour guide in Greece. She is very cerebral, and has none of the passion (kefi) so prized by the Greeks. She's a very unsuccessful tour guide because in addition to having no kefi she believes tourists should come to Greece to learn about the ancient culture, not shop, visit the beach, or eat ice cream. While a rival tour guide feeds his charges doughnuts, she feeds her tour members dry arcana about ancient Greece. Richard Dreyfuss, a bereft older widower who ends up in one of her tours, encourages Georgia to enhance her kefi, and (spoiler alert), she ends up passionate and happy and well-sexed. All in all, this was a sweet little movie that left me wanting to amp up my own kefi. (Note: another fun & inspiring movie along the same vein is Last Holiday starring Queen Latifah who incidently also plays a woman named Georgia who's sorely in need of some kefi).

Kefi is the Greek term for spirit, and has been described by various Greeks as meaning the spirit of joy, passion, enthusiasm, high spirits, or frenzy. The custom of smashing plates is considered an expression of kefi, when the soul and body are overwhelmed with an exuberance that must find an outlet. This vitality or mojo is what makes life worthwhile.

Your passion/spirit/kefi propels your dreams, so as you go about your day today focus on ways to bring more passion and vitality to everything you do. Are there things in your life that are killing your mojo that you could let go of? Are there things that you are passionate about that you're not doing, but could be doing? Orient your life to increase your vitality and find more ways to feed your soul. That is the life you were born to live.

If you're looking for some simple and practical ways to increase your vitality in body and soul you can check out this great article: http://www.wethechange.com/25-fun-ways-to-pamper-your-body-and-increase-vitality/

Fire

"O! for a muse of fire, that would ascend the brightest heaven of invention."

~William Shakepeare

Part of my intention at The Reiki Coach is to help promote balance in every area of our lives. One of the ways to promote balance is to look to the universal elements for inspiration -- fire, water, air, earth, and spirit. We can incorporate aspects of these elements to promote positive characteristics in our lives and use the different elements to help balance out our lives.

Let's be inspired by the element of fire today. Fire has been on my mind for a few weeks now. At the beginning of December I went to temple and heard a rabbi speak about fire. It was the time of Hanukkah and she was imploring everyone to be more like a flame. She said that many world traditions preach that we should strive to be at peace and happy where we are. "Perhaps we're not meant to be at peace and happy with where we are," she said. She said we should be more like a flame -- flickering, inconstant, agitating. Let's not be happy with what is. Let's look around at what we don't like and be like a flame -- agitate and change things.

The other morning I went into meditation and began to ponder the rabbi's words on fire. I love what she said about being like a flame and seeking to be a positive force for change. But is fire really unhappy with where it is just because it's able to spread? In meditation the thought came to me that those states of moving/growing/changing and being happy with where you are are not inconsistent. If a flame is limited to a candlestick, it dances where it is until it burns down and can dance no more. If the opportunity comes for fire to spread, it takes it. It is always seeking to expand and as it does, it changes what it comes in contact with. It brings light, heat, and change. But that energy is not necessarily unhappy. Even when it is contained, it continues to dance.

We too can be like a flame. Where ever we are (until the time comes for our own light to go out), we dance. When given the chance and the right conditions, we grow and expand. And wherever we go we bring light, warmth and transformation. Some might see this transformation as destructive and bad. While it can destroy what is there, it is not necessarily bad. Fire helps brings about an often necessary transformation. "What the caterpillar calls the end, the butterfly calls the beginning." It may not always be welcome -- growth, expansion, change often aren't -- but our higher power is always smiling upon us.

As I meditated, I came to see what had bothered me about that sermon. The dichotomy she drew was a false one. We can be happy with where we are and at the same time take every opportunity to grow and expand. The flame does not lament its lot. Wherever it goes (or stays) it's dancing.

So today as we go about our day, strive to be like a flame -- determined, expansive, and seeking opportunities to grow. But whatever condition you find yourselves in, be a bright light and dance.